Terry Eagan, an M.D., who counsels married couples in trouble, and serves as medical director of
Moonview Sanctuary in Santa Monica, Calif., a treatment facility that incorporates Eastern and Western philosophies. He recently shared his best advice for newlyweds:
1.Talk, talk, talk!
Communication about EVERYTHING is so important! From the little things to the big things- talk to eachother!
2. Break Your Routine
Don’t get caught up in routines. That means you should avoid taking each other for granted by having date nights and taking romantic vacations when you can. Avoid just going to and from work and never focusing on each other or your relationship. When you are just going through the motions, you will feel less satisfied and less content. And that will rub off on your spouse, too. Marriage, after all, is a delicate balance between two people.
3. Wait to Have Children
If you can, wait to have children. Putting off getting pregnant to give you and your spouse time to build a foundation for a family. Build your marriage so that it will be sturdy enough to support the weight of the family you’d like to create. That means getting closer, resolving serious issues, and finding your rhythm as a couple.
4. Save Some Money $$$
Avoid collecting debt. Money troubles put unnecessary stress on a marriage; in fact, it’s one of the major causes of arguments among married people. You can throw a nice wedding, make a home for the two of you, and live without breaking the bank as long as you don’t spend more than you have. You should also try to keep an eye to the future by always having something in savings. Your wallet and your relationship will pay the price if you don’t watch your pennies.
5. Look Good for Eachother
Keep up with hygiene and get dressed up every once in a while. “Don’t get sloppy in your relationship,” says Eagen. “Keep it special.” When you start paying less attention to your appearance, you send the message to your spouse that you just don’t care and you’re not really interested in maintaining the attraction between the two of you. You should be sending the signal that you’re still hot for your spouse – and you want to keep it that way!
6. Get a Life
Hang onto your friends and family. Just because you’re married does not mean you should abandon everyone and everything that existed in your life before the wedding. You still need social outlets to re-energize yourself for your spouse. “Don’t expect your partner to be your everything,” warns Eagan.
7. Have Good Sex (or Great) :)
8. Be Ready for the After-the-Wedding Blues
Realize you may experience
post-nuptial depression, which refers to the state of depressed mood that newlyweds experience within the first three to six months of marriage. There’s a lot down after all the excitement of the wedding festivities and honeymoon are over. Although brides are more apt to talk about it than grooms, both pairs probably feel this to some extent. Eagan suggests refraining from talking about the wedding all the time and going out and doing things together. Understand that it takes time to re-orient your life and keep in mind that this is just the start of your great new life together.
First of all, I am wondering who "they" are and how did they find out that the first year is the hardest?
I won't lie, marriage is a lot of work. This is not to say that it is not worth it, because it is... but it is not always easy. Especially the first few months...changing your single, independent life into a joint, dependent marriage is a lifestyle change. It requires sacrafice, patience and like I said, work.
When I found this page of "newlywed advice", I was excited to read it and see that the things that had been hard for me were apparently hard for a lot of newlywed couples. Especially the money part. I love to spend money and my husband is a saver. It has been hard to change and break my bad habits. I'm learning the importance of saving though and James is learning the importance of cleaning up after himself. :)
I also agree with the importance of keeping your friends. I value my "girls nights" and I encourage James to have nights that he spends with the guys. It just makes me value and appreciate my time with James that much more.
I also laughed when I read the part about looking good for eachother. So often, I will be with friends and mention that I dont feel pretty or that I want to get my hair done or buy a new outfit. To this, I have gotten responses like, "It doesn't matter, you're already married." I think sometimes I believe this and dont have the motivation to look good for my husband. After reading this, however, I am re-motivated to look my best for my hubby. It doesn't help though that he says he likes me best in my sweat pants. :)
