WN2D

What Not To Do (WN2D): Van Gogh Yourself

2011-09-28T17:43:00.000-07:00

WHAT NOT TO DO:

Step 1: Find Scissors

Step 2: Slice Ear

Step 3: Ignore everyone around you claiming you're insane.

This post may seem pointless.

However, I KNOW we have all "Van Goghed" ourselves at one time or another.

Definition.

Van Gogh Yourself: to Van Gogh oneself is to make a DESPERATE act to control or persuade someone you are dating or want to date that they also want to date you. e.g Showing up at their house with all of his stuff crying and begging for him back, Crashing his wedding, Parking outside their house waiting for them to get home so you can see who they were with..

Other usage: "Just pulled a Vincent."

Bottom line:Don't SABOTAGE yourself.

Don't make desperate acts to try and make a relationship work.

You look like a fool.

Feel like a fool.

And it won't work!

There is a difference between fighting for someone or working hard to fix things and just plain being DESPERATE!

When it's over, it's OVER.

Don't wait for a fat lady to sing.

Talking things out in a civil manner in an appropriate way to handle this kind of situation.

BUT If they just don't want to date you, find someone else!

Be rational.

There are 6.9 billion people in the world!

I promise there is someone else for you.

xoxo

p.s Thanks to the cute little email that inspired this and believe it or not, I already had the above pictures from a text conversation with the boyfriend. (Though I was referencing to a loud noise that I wanted to silence by making myself deaf. Immature I know.) Also, I tried to pixelate the pics to look "Van Gogh-ish" but failed!

Nice Guys Finish Last. Or do they?

2011-09-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

I just recently stumbled on this video.

Even though it already has 10 million views.

Wow am I out of the loop ;)

It REALLY got me thinking.

Quite a few men believe girls never go for the nice guy.

Can this be true?

ARE girls attracted to mean guys?

I think the problem lies in the definition of "nice".

We DO want a "nice" guy.

We DO NOT want a clingy/needy guy.

We want someone who:

-Is confident, not a pushover who lets others walk all over him.

-Is kind but not constantly flattering and over-the-top.

-Gives us TIME and TLC but has his own life/goals.

-Keeps us on our toes (in a good way).

-Acts MASCULINE. Guys have testosterone, so biologically speaking, they should ACT LIKE A MAN.

-We can talk to, however, talking about purses and makeup should be saved for our girlfriends.

Men often feel they need to worship the ground we walk on in order to be the nice guy. We want a partner not an adoring fan!

The "nice guy" ideology is a huge misconception!

NICE GUYS DON'T FINISH LAST.

Insecure/clingy ones do.

Confidence in who you are in always key. (This goes for both boys and girls.)

xoxo

p.s I hope you aren't having abandonment issues. :) I've been gone for a long time!

They Say the First Year is the Hardest...

2010-05-24T15:08:00.000-07:00

Terry Eagan, an M.D., who counsels married couples in trouble, and serves as medical director of Moonview Sanctuary in Santa Monica, Calif., a treatment facility that incorporates Eastern and Western philosophies. He recently shared his best advice for newlyweds:

1.Talk, talk, talk!

Communication about EVERYTHING is so important! From the little things to the big things- talk to eachother!

2. Break Your Routine

Don’t get caught up in routines. That means you should avoid taking each other for granted by having date nights and taking romantic vacations when you can. Avoid just going to and from work and never focusing on each other or your relationship. When you are just going through the motions, you will feel less satisfied and less content. And that will rub off on your spouse, too. Marriage, after all, is a delicate balance between two people.

3. Wait to Have Children

If you can, wait to have children. Putting off getting pregnant to give you and your spouse time to build a foundation for a family. Build your marriage so that it will be sturdy enough to support the weight of the family you’d like to create. That means getting closer, resolving serious issues, and finding your rhythm as a couple.

4. Save Some Money $$$

Avoid collecting debt. Money troubles put unnecessary stress on a marriage; in fact, it’s one of the major causes of arguments among married people. You can throw a nice wedding, make a home for the two of you, and live without breaking the bank as long as you don’t spend more than you have. You should also try to keep an eye to the future by always having something in savings. Your wallet and your relationship will pay the price if you don’t watch your pennies.

5. Look Good for Eachother

Keep up with hygiene and get dressed up every once in a while. “Don’t get sloppy in your relationship,” says Eagen. “Keep it special.” When you start paying less attention to your appearance, you send the message to your spouse that you just don’t care and you’re not really interested in maintaining the attraction between the two of you. You should be sending the signal that you’re still hot for your spouse – and you want to keep it that way!
6. Get a Life

Hang onto your friends and family. Just because you’re married does not mean you should abandon everyone and everything that existed in your life before the wedding. You still need social outlets to re-energize yourself for your spouse. “Don’t expect your partner to be your everything,” warns Eagan.

7. Have Good Sex (or Great) :)

Sex is a vital part of the marriage relationship. You should make sure your sex life is satisfying for both of you. If there are physical problems affecting your performance, you should see a doctor and discuss the situation with him or her and your spouse.

8. Be Ready for the After-the-Wedding Blues

Realize you may experience post-nuptial depression, which refers to the state of depressed mood that newlyweds experience within the first three to six months of marriage. There’s a lot down after all the excitement of the wedding festivities and honeymoon are over. Although brides are more apt to talk about it than grooms, both pairs probably feel this to some extent. Eagan suggests refraining from talking about the wedding all the time and going out and doing things together. Understand that it takes time to re-orient your life and keep in mind that this is just the start of your great new life together.

http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/bestadvice.htm

First of all, I am wondering who "they" are and how did they find out that the first year is the hardest?

I won't lie, marriage is a lot of work. This is not to say that it is not worth it, because it is... but it is not always easy. Especially the first few months...changing your single, independent life into a joint, dependent marriage is a lifestyle change. It requires sacrafice, patience and like I said, work.

When I found this page of "newlywed advice", I was excited to read it and see that the things that had been hard for me were apparently hard for a lot of newlywed couples. Especially the money part. I love to spend money and my husband is a saver. It has been hard to change and break my bad habits. I'm learning the importance of saving though and James is learning the importance of cleaning up after himself. :)

I also agree with the importance of keeping your friends. I value my "girls nights" and I encourage James to have nights that he spends with the guys. It just makes me value and appreciate my time with James that much more.

I also laughed when I read the part about looking good for eachother. So often, I will be with friends and mention that I dont feel pretty or that I want to get my hair done or buy a new outfit. To this, I have gotten responses like, "It doesn't matter, you're already married." I think sometimes I believe this and dont have the motivation to look good for my husband. After reading this, however, I am re-motivated to look my best for my hubby. It doesn't help though that he says he likes me best in my sweat pants. :)

Risky Business

2010-05-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

To take risks or not to take risks? That is the question.

As you contemplate your answer,

Let me tell you a story about risk-taking:

My nephews were at their grandparents having a play date and my sister asked me to kindly pick them.

I gathered the two boys,their things and made sure not to forget their favorite movie "Tarzan 2"

We begin driving down a very busy 4 lane road, windows down, hair blowing elegantly in the wind.. The music was blaring and the boys were laughing and singing..

UNTIL..

I hear a loud shriek from the backseat.

Nephew #1 cries: "[Nephew 2] just threw Tarzan 2 out the window!!"

(Tarzan 2 being the favorite, most-loved and coveted movie of all time)

Nephew 1 begins crying uncontrollably. Or shall I say hysterically..

So I flip a U to retrieve Tarzan 2.

As I flip around, I watch a motorcycle run over the dvd and it flies into the air landing in the middle lane.

My heart drops as I find a way to break it to Nephew #1.

Courage rises in my chest and I decide to get the dvd anyway.

I park in the median and I watch the traffic zooming by.

I wait for a quick break and sprint across two lanes and grab the first piece of the dvd case.

I run a little further and grab the second piece and dash back to the car.

(We were on a very busy street so I ran VERY FAST.)

I slide into the drivers seat and survey the damage.

The case is trashed but the dvd is in perfect condition.

I smile triumphantly and relay the news to Nephew #1 and #2.

Nephew #2 starts crying even harder and says, "Now no one will know that we have Tarzan 2!" (Because the case was ruined.)

Taking risks in dating can either be good or bad. (Well, duh!)

You can take a risk and it can be worth it. (Ex.Saving the dvd.)

Then there are times where it won't be worth it at at all. (Ex.The case being ruined)

I believe in taking risks. You'll never know how the pool feels unless you jump all the way in. :)

Don't guard your heart when you meet someone you really like.

We've all been hurt before!

Don't let it affect your future.

Disclaimer: Take this advice in a rational way. Take healthy risks. If you think your significant other is cheating or is abusive, DON'T BE STUPID. Use your head but don't guard your heart.

xoxo

The Husband Store

2010-05-07T20:42:00.000-07:00

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes into the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign reads: FLOOR 1- These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: FLOOR 2- These men have jobs and love kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: FLOOR 3- These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: FLOOR 4- These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and the sign reads: FLOOR 5- These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

FLOOR 6- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. The 1st floor has wives who love sex. The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money. The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

Thought you guys would enjoy that as much as I did. :)

Also, I'd like to thank my own 5th floor husband for his support throughout the last crazy month (and 2 years of nursing school)...I finally graduated yesterday and couldn't have done it without him!

Don't EVER Get Desperate

2010-05-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

"German man 'marries' his dying cat"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8658327.stm

A German man has unofficially married his cat after the animal fell ill and vets told him it might not live much longer, Bild newspaper reports.

It says Uwe Mitzscherlich, 39, paid an actress 300 euros (£260,$395) to officiate at the ceremony, as marrying an animal is illegal in Germany.

Mr Mitzscherlich said he had wanted to tie the knot before his

asthmatic cat Cecilia died.

The cat and groom have lived together for 10 years.

"Cecilia is such a trusting creature. We cuddle all the time and

she has always slept in my bed," Mr Mitzscherlich,

a postman from the eastern town of Possendorf, told Bild.

Actress Christin-Maria Lohri, who officiated the ceremony,

was quoted as saying:

"At first I thought it was a joke. But for Mr Mitzscherlich it's a dream come true".

Never ever ever EVER settle people.

My motto is, "Rather be blissfully single, than unhappily married."

(probably said this before)

Keep your ideals about marriage REALISTIC but don't settle for anything less than love.

For all my Utahns: I know in Utah there is pressure to be married young.

Please don't settle because of this.

I am almost 23 (which is relatively old by Utah standards ha ha)

and I get the annoying

"Why aren't you married?" thing almost everyday.

Love comes at the right time.

That may not be the time YOU WANT but remember love is patient, love is kind, love isn't jealous.....

(you know all that stuff from the bible.. it is also on a walk to remember.

Watch it if you need a refresher!)

xoxo

Wost Blogger, Ever.

2010-04-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is me. The official worst blogger. I am sorry that I have been slacking the past well, couple of months. Like I said before, I am working on graduating from nursing school (10 days!) and have been busy tying up loose ends. The good news is, once I am graduated...I am done for good! and...I will not have anything to do EXCEPT for blog. So look out world, you are about to get way more than you asked for from this blogger. :)

Any Takers?

2010-04-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

Tee Hee xD

Facebook Guy

2010-04-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

My older sister is beautiful and that is no lie.
But sometimes it seems like the biggest creepers hit on her.

Example, Last weekend at dinner:

Creeper Facebook Guy: Hey can I add you on facebook?

My Sister(who is WAY too nice): Umm.. I don't have a facebook.

Me: Hi. I'm sorry but my sister is going through some things right now and isn't dating or interested in dating.

Creeper Facebook Guy: (Turns back to my sister) Well..Can I have yer number then?

Me: (Trying to understand what just happened.) Um.. no sorry. Goodbye. (Grabs sisters arm and starts walking away.)

Creeper Facebook Guy: Hey. Hey! Wait a second...

(My sister and I walk even faster away and get in the car.)

Facebook Guy really had some kahunas,
I mean that takes real guts to get rejected and IMMEDIATELY try a second time. Either Facbook guy is the King of Creepy Guys who can't take a hint..
or he is superman.

xoxo
P.S. I have been researching the dating idea that I posted below.. and so many people are giving it great reviews.

I haven't posted this yet but both Kylee and I have our own blogs if you just can't get enough. ;)

Kylee:http://jamesandkyleecopeland.blogspot.com/

Laura: http://littlevany.blogspot.com/

Awesome Dating Idea

2010-04-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.7guys.net/

This is such a GREAT IDEA!

Here are the details from the website:

1) We arrange dinner groups of 7 guys and 7 girls (give or take) who are from all over the Wasatch Front to meet for a meal at restaurants located from Salt Lake City to Draper. No one is paired up and everyone pays for their own meal, the idea is to enjoy a meal with new people in a relaxed setting. The process is part random and partially based on your interests and other criteria in deciding who ends up eating where.

2) After dinner, proceed to a party where all the different dinner participants from various locations and additional friends can meet and mingle with refresments, games, and dancing.

To register, please fill in the information below so that we can better match you to a restaurant group that fits your age, interests, etc. After submitting your information, you complete your registration by paying a $6 fee

Check out this website. It is for singles 20's to 40's!

Love this.

2010-04-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

LOL

xoxo

Viva Las Vegas: Land of the Creepers

2010-04-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Not gonna lie, I love me some Vegas.

I am such a fan of people watching and this is the BEST place to watch some freaky looking people.

You've got those weird guys on the street clicking their tongues and slapping their cards..

(If you haven't been to Vegas.. don't take the cards unless you're a perv.)

...followed by drunks, scantily-clad ladies, and street performers traipsing through the streets.

About 30 seconds upon arrival,

a man that looked almost EXACTLY like this

said this,

"I like what I see and I see what I like!" (Barf)

*shiver*

I hope all of you shuddered the way I did when it actually happened.

Vegas is awesome and I adore the shopping but would I ever trust someone there enough to date?

Is this really a question?

No I would never (emphasis on NEVER) meet someone here.

I could not trust someone I met in Vegas.

Example: While I was there I had a piece of trash married guy hit on me.

He said, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!"

I was about to Lorena Bobbitt this guy.

There is no trust in Vegas.

I'm sure nice guys/girls go there but so many people lie,cheat, and steal in Las Vegas..

What do you guys think?

Have you ever met a quality guy in Vegas?

xoxo

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

2010-03-30T17:27:00.000-07:00

I hate cheaters.

They make me sick.

I know way too many people who have been married and cheated on.

What is wrong with people?

Do you honestly think NO ONE will ever find out?

Here is a result of woman who cheated with a married man and knew about it.

I heard about this from a guy friend of mine and if you need ANY reason other than that cheating is despicable, here it is: ( I had to remove some content from this post. Hopefully I can add it later. Sorry to keep you on the edge of your seats.)

This is obviously the "other woman".

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

p.s. For the record, I do not know this girl or the situation. Just use this as a warning.

DISCLAIMER: If you are innocent in a cheating situation, (For example, you had no clue he was married.) DON'T BE STUPID. Watch for red flags!

Red Flags

He only calls during certain hours or certain times
You never go over to his house
You never go out
You never meet his friends or parents
His "ex-wife" won't stop calling him (she might not be an ex)

Another warning, there is a law in Utah entitled 'Alienation of Affection'. The law allows the wife to sue the mistress in court. Check it out: http://marriage.about.com/od/legalities/g/alienationdef.htm

Review: Keys on Main

2010-03-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.keysonmain.com/

The atmosphere in Keys is fantastic.

The music is great

BUT

some of the songs requested are laced with profanity.

I'm not gonna lie I felt uncomfortable at times.

I know the pianists can't decide which songs to play( they are paid $5 cash for each request) but I felt like I needed mufflers a few times.

The best part of my night was when I paid $20 to have my friends dragged on stage for "Single Ladies". I really liked that the bar was separate from the tables. It felt like I was at an Applebees rather than a bar. I don't drink and I don't like the way, "I'm going to a bar" sounds. Keys on Main feels more like a lounge. You must reserve a table or you will be stuck standing the whole night. Keys is very fun but not for the light-of-heart. (Meaning, there is alcohol there and you may hear some terrible songs.) Would I come here again? Maybe for karaoke on Tuesday. ;) I didn't have the best night of my life though and my 4 friends felt the same.

$: Relatively inexpensive. Songs are a bit pricey. $5 a song and $20 for your friends to go on stage.

Guy Quality: Fair. There were cute guys but not many.

Girl Quality: There were lots of pretty girls last night. There was a bachlorette party going on while I was there so it wasn't a typical night. (I'll have to review again)

LDS standards: Poor. There were some but not many.

Raging Drunks: 2. A really abnoxious man and his equally abnoxious wife.

Guys/Girls who were marriage material: Few I didn't meet anyone I would even consider that with.

Food Quality: Great actually. The French Dip was AHMAZING.

xoxo

Would I personally come here to meet a guy?

No. I think this a place to just relax and have fun with friends. (Which I did.)

P.S I went to Vegas last weekend. And I have PLENTY of stories. :) Don't let me forget to blog about it.

Quickie Post: 97.1

2010-03-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

I have never won anything on the radio before but that changed today.

The first person to answer this question on ZHT won a prize:

Recently, what have girls been calling "DIBS" on?

My answer:

Guys. They call dibs on some dude. At least I do. :)

I got the answer right. I'm going to pick up my prize tomorrow.

I guess it's good to know dating slang sometimes.

You single girls better call some dibs this weekend!

Things that REALLY Suck

2010-03-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

THINGS THAT SUCK

I found it very fitting to post a picture of Kanye West.

When someone your dating says:

-"I'm just not ready for marriage or commitment right now." and then he/she is married within the next 5 months.

This actually happened to me.

I was told, "I'm just so scared because I could marry you."

and he had a new fiance 4 months later.

Ouch.

I "stumbled" upon the facebook of my ex and his fiance.

I felt like such a tool for believing that line. ha ha

For the record, I didn't stumble on the facebook..

(I just can't lie to you guys.)

I was facebook stalking.

-"I just need to focus on me for a little while." (Basically this person is saying: IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME.)

- "I just need some time away." and then that time turns into eternity.

- "I'll never rule out a future for us." OR "Maybe someday we'll cross paths again." and you never see them again.

-" I need to date other people to know if we're right." If someone really loves you, they would never risk losing you.

How about this:

(for all my LDS readers)

-You wait for a missionary and he completely dumps you.

(This happened to me twice. ;)

I think it was my fault though..

since I had TWO missionaries.)

MORE SUCKY THINGS:

When you really like someone and they don't like you back.

Bad Blind Dates.

Being with someone and wishing it was someone else.

Dancing with a really sweaty guy!

Cheaters.

They ruin it for the rest of us.

Breaking up with someone and realizing it was a huge mistake... too late

If you have anything to add to things that really suck,

LEAVE IT IN YOUR COMMENT.

xoxo

I've had emails about some of the things listed above and I will post about them individually someday. :)

This post seems a little depressing so watch the video below for a pick-me-up!

You can turn the music off at the very bottom of the blog

Just scroll down.

The Case of the Missing Laundry Basket

2010-03-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

First of all, I apologize for being M.I.A. lately. I am graduating from nursing school in approximately 7.5 weeks and am very busy with finishing up the semester. I have been meaning to get a post in for over a week (and still am not sure that this will count as a real post) but I wanted to share a funny story with you all.

James and I live in a small basement apartment that doesn't have a lot of space. However, in my efforts of keeping things tidy, I moved our laundry basket away from the front of our bedroom in hopes that our dirty clothing would be less visible to the public eye.

Now when I say I moved the basket, I did not move it very far away. I did not hide the laundry basket, I did not camoflauge it, and I did not throw it away. But for the next 2 weeks, every time I would enter the bedroom, there were new dirty clothes laying on the floor- where the laundry basket used to be.

The first few times, I didn't think twice about grabbing the clothes and throwing them 2 feet east to the laundry basket's new resting place. However, after about 2 weeks of this, I started to get frustrated. Was my husband purposely throwing his clothes on the floor in order to prove a point? I wasn't sure what kind of point he was trying to make and couldn't fathom why he would disapprove of a more feng shui approach to bedroom cleanliness.

Finally, I asked him.

"James, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, baby."

"Why is there a pile of clothes on the floor where our laundry basket used to be?"

"Because I didn't know where it went."

At this point, I pulled him up off of the couch and forced him to look into the bedroom. I pointed straight to where the laundry basket had been for weeks now.

"Oh, there is it." Was all he had to say.

I thought that for sure now that he knew where the basket was that he would make an effort to put his clothes there, but instead of putting them in the basket or even where the basket used to be, now I find piles of clothes wherever he happened to take them off.

I think I'll move the laundry basket back. :)

Hope you all have a great week!

If You Think YOUR Dating Life is Rough..

2010-03-09T20:58:00.000-08:00

Try being this lady.

What do you think she says when her date asks:

"What do you do for a living?"

This picture is so sick but I just can't look away.

The Wedding Ring Experiment:Part Deux

2010-03-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

Well, the weekend is over.

My friends are home.

Now I'm here to lay down the 411 on all the creepy guys in Salt Lake.

(Just kidding. Well HALF kidding.)

So my experiment was,

"Do men respect the bling-bling? (a.k.a the wedding ring)

THE CONCLUSION IS:

...drum roll...

Absolutely NOT.

My friends (wearing rings) and I got hit on just as much as we ever have. Once we informed these men that we were "married", the gentlemen apologized and backed off but the creeps didn't care. (We had become a challenge.)

Guess what else I learned:

When the gentlemen found out we were "married" and out dancing, they instantly began to treat us differently. They questioned our integrity and how faithful we were to our husbands.

We became the creeps!

xoxo

The video below is a clip from my FAVORITE show. (Yes, I am a gleek and sorry about the subtitles. It was the best I could do.)

The Wedding Ring Experiment

2010-02-27T19:12:00.000-08:00

"Cuz if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!"

Two of my awesome friends came down from Idaho this weekend and we have spent the weekend DANCING.

And just for fun (because I love experimenting), I'm wearing a wedding ring. Why? To see how many creepers will still try to hit on me. I am also going to ask the guys what they think when they see a married girl in a place like that.

I'm pretty sure half the people there will think I'm cheating on my husband... Hopefully I don't see anyone I know. :)

On a side note, this weekend is full of great stories that I will post.

I may or may not have been hit on by a 15 year old.

(He said I was a "pretty woman"!)

I felt like a pedo.

(Btw pedo in spanish is fart. So either way.)

On another side note, I had a request to blog about

HOW TO HELP A FRIEND COPE WITH A BREAKUP.

I am working on it as we speak..

Thanks for emailing me with the suggestion!

xoxo

p.s. If you haven't read Kylee's first post below check it out. I'm SO glad she is our newest addition to the blog!

The Boring Married Couple.

2010-02-26T19:39:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've said it and you know who you are. The couple who sits at home on the weekends (and weekdays for that matter) and does nothing.

I remember the first time someone referred to James and I as a "boring married couple"... I was appalled! That is, until I found myself blogging at 9:00 on a Friday night.

It's true, we've become THAT couple. I immediately started thinking of ideas to kickstart our social scene to that which it once was. I'm here tonight to share some ideas that I have come up with (but have yet to put into place...hence the blogging on a Friday night) to help spice up some of your "boring married couple" lives.

Also, just as a precursor: I am sure that none of you married couples out there are boring, this is more to make me feel better in thinking that we are not the only ones. :)

1. Find a mutual hobby. Something you both enjoy doing...preferably something you enjoy doing TOGETHER. For example: I love baking things (Well, I like eating baked goods- same thing). James, however does not like sweets (Uh, I know. Crazy.), so planning a baking night would probably benefit me more than him. (Which is fine, sometimes a little sacrifice is required by one party but this post is focused on finding things that will be fun for both of you!)

2. Do something childish. Build a fort or a tent in your living room with extra blankets and then fill the inside with cushions and pillows (and even a little light if you want). Turn off all the other lights, put in a movie, pop some popcorn and enjoy! You can make your living room campout as authentic as you want...just don't try to start your own fire pit. ;)

3. Have a game night. Chances are....your married friends are just as boring as you. Call them and set up a night to get together. You can play group games like Mafia (here are some instructions for those of you who have never played. There are many different variations but this gives you the general idea: http://www.wikihow.com/Play-Mafia) or Scum (http://home.utah.edu/~msm25/scum.html) ...2 of my favorites. You can also stick with good old fashioned board games. Whip up some treats so you can snack and play all night long in good company.

4. Join a co-ed team together. Last spring, James and I joined a co-ed softball team. Even though I was terrible, it gave us an excuse to do something together (and to get out of the house) every week. Plus, I did get better. :)

5. Take a lesson together at a community center. Whether it's dancing, pottery, cooking or aerobics...find something that interests you both. Or two classes that each interest one of you and promise to attend them both together. Who knows, you could find that you even become interested in what your partner likes!

As you can see, there are so many different things that you can do to keep from becoming the "boring married couple". However, there are times that I am perfectly happy with being at home on a Friday night with my computer. Whatever your weekends may consist of, just be sure to mix things up once in a while!

One more thing: I am obsessed with real-life musicals. The wedding where they dance down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever" makes me cry EVERY time I watch it. There is also a group of impromptu actors (Improv Everywhere) who have done a few great ones... (check them out on youtube: "food court musical" and "grocery store musical") ...both make me cry as well. The one I wanted to share with you tonight is not real-life but is close enough- I still love it. It is from the movie 500 Days of Summer....I just wanted to post it because I haven't been able to stop smiling since I watched it earlier. Enjoy!

Meet Kylee.

2010-02-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

Close your eyes and imagine this: a twenty-something female living life as a full-time newlywed and moonlighting as a nursing student.

Days spent at the hospital are long, nights spent sleeping are short and sometimes this girl just wants a night alone with her husband.

What a relief though, to be married at last! After years of being the girl who was blind-dating like she was on her own real-life version of The Bachlorette, this girl felt that she was finally done with her adventures...

Boy was she wrong! She found out quick that the world of marriage is just as much of an adventure as the world of dating.

Now Open your eyes. This is your girl, which is me. My name is Kylee and this is my husband and I on our wedding day.

I am here to share with you (the fans of my best friend, Laura) the adventures that we have had so far in our little Newlywed lives. I am nervous to take on this assignment and hope that I can live up to Laura's comical and informative blog postings. Please let me know if you have suggestions or things that you would like me to share or talk about. I am excited to get started and will post my first real assignment soon! Thanks for letting me join this blog...and warm your hearts. (Okay, okay...i'll cut back on the cheesiness too) :)

The One that Got Away

2010-02-23T15:00:00.000-08:00

Ugh.. the one that got away...

You know who I mean..

The person who left your mind with

What ifs

The person who slipped through your fingers

but never left you heart.

When you pass a spot that reminds you of this person, you cringe.

When "your song" plays on the radio, you cry.

You go to familiar places just in case you might run into them.

You "accidentally" text them.

You check their myspace, facebook, twitter, blog, or even google their name periodically.

(I will admit that I have done this! PATHETIC.)

You smell their cologne/perfume on another person, you get depressed.

You ask yourself, "How can I think about this person so much when they never think of me?"

Now ask yourself the real question here:

DID YOU RECEIVE CLOSURE?

if not:

Ask the person for it.

It may sting when someone is very truthful, but it will help you move on.

If you aren't comfortable asking for closure, write the person an email or letter. (Sometimes just writing your feelings down will help.)

if you did:

Be proactive. (Try to move on. Don't sit around and mope.)

BURN THE MEMORABILIA. (Or simply throw it away.)

You may feel sad taking off the necklace he gave you or putting away your favorite photo, but are they really worth having if they cause pain?

"Trade your old hopes for new ones.

Your new hope is that the next relationship will be better, and of course it will."

"The feeling that your lost love was your soulmate and that you will never find another because there is no other "perfect" person for you is a culturally induced delusion."

"By setting up models like Romeo and Juliet and Tristan and Isolde... our culture reinforces false beliefs inherent in romantic love delusions."

-Dr. Zev Wanderer, Letting Go

It is difficult losing someone you felt so strongly about. You had goals and dreams that involved this person and BAM.. they just came crashing down.

It is more so the loss of a dream than loss of a person.

Fact: There is someone better for you.

Fiction: You were destined for each other.

Fact: Losing that person sucks and it's really really hard to get over regardless of what you do.

xoxo

Ta Dah!

2010-02-22T22:11:00.000-08:00

As you all very well know,

I neglect this blog A LOT.
I've been trying to bring in new writers all the time
but nothing has been sticking. :(

So we're going to take a crack at MARRIAGE and DATING.
The illustrious Kylee will be writing about her own adventures in her married life.
We're ironing out the kinks right now but stay tuned!

I know this is a huge change without warning but I have many married readers who feel a little left out. Leave emails and comments to let us know what you think! I know this is a huge, drastic change so please feel free to say exactly how you feel about it! Think of this as a test run! ( just like my buddy Spencer who had a poor response...)

xoxo
p.s I'll write a real blog tomorrow!

Imma Be..

2010-02-22T19:16:00.001-08:00

Changing things on this blog!

xoxo

I'll get back to you after the jump!

Why She Doesn't Call

2010-02-03T21:55:00.000-08:00

.... SHE IS PROBABLY WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL FIRST, DUMMY! ....

society says: It is a man's job to call the woman first

(I'm having fun using these old pictures from when I lived in Chicago.

Pooch, if you want this picture removed let me know ;) mmkay?)

So if you've just gone on a date; it's your responsibility to call her!

If you gave her your number,

(at a club,bar,coffee house etc.)

she just isn't in to you.

(do i have to say it twice?)

No, she didn't drop her phone in a pool.

No, her grandma isn't sick in the hospital.

No, she didn't lose your number.

(disclaimer: ...you know the drill... just let me know if it actually happens)

Other reasons for the NO CALLBACK:

**(credit: Brandon Johnson)

http://ezinearticles.com/?4-Reasons-Why-She-Doesnt-Call-You-Back&id=626919

Ego: Yes, it's true. Women have egos just like us. Sometimes, when she is feeling "unsexy" or "unloved", a woman may give you her number just to boost her self-esteem.

Too Nice: Some women are just too nice. They think it's so sweet and cute that you came over to them, they can't shoot you down, even if they're not attracted to you at all.

You Called Too Soon: There's all sorts of "scientific" rules on how long you should wait to call. Some say 2 days, some 3 days, some an entire week! The truth is the time varies depending on every situation.

Voicemail Message: You may have done everything right: smooth and confident in the opener, charmed her and had her laughing, and waited 2-3 days to call. But, once you got the voicemail on the first call, you panicked. You stumbled through your message with "uh's" and "um's", and you weren't clear on when you wanted to get together or what you wanted to do. **

I fall into the "too nice" category. It is SO hard for me to say no to a guy when he gathers the courage to ask me out.

Ladies,

let's try to be completely honest with guys that ask us out.

If we aren't interested, lets cut the games and JUST SAY IT.

xoxo

Why He Doesn't Call

2010-02-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

pls post sumthin new

and why do guys nvr call?

-lindsay

...me and the boyfriend ;)...

tee hee xD

If you don't like my sarcastic humor try these..

(boyfriend didn't find that picture funny..i guess maybe it wasn't. Maybe it doesn't make any sense at all.)

(OKAY. You were right honey. Sheesh.)

Thanks Lee and Rose.

Your mugs worked well in these pictures!

Disclaimer #1: These photos are used for comical purposes only.

Sorry Lindsay and Sorry everyone. :)

It has been a while since I have posted. School has been taking all my free time off of my hands. It is SO difficult to post because it takes time.
Time is something I am lacking.

I can't just blog about my day.

(like most people do.. oh how I envy you!)

I chose to dedicate my blog to ONE SUBJECT.

I am an idiot.

Now on to your Q:

Let's review a recent post----> http://whatnot2date.blogspot.com/2010/01/playing-games.html.

Here is your A:

It really sucks when a guy doesn't call.

If he isn't calling you after a date:

You may be freaking out about it too soon. Let the "game playing" run its course!

---------------or---------------

HE ISN'T IN TO YOU

i'm sorry. i had to say it.

HE DOESN'T WANT A SECOND DATE

Some people are too nice to be honest with you.

They don't want to hurt you feelings so they just never call.

Yes, They may have led you on.

No, the person didn't get in a serious accident.

No, they didn't break their phone.

(disclaimer #2: there is a 1 in a million chance that this may have happened. MY BAD if you were the 1 in a million. Please send him my condolences in the hospital and send me the bill for the broken phone.)

It sucks.

I know.

I found a REALLY great article on reasons men don't call. I usually only post a link BUT I thoroughly enjoyed this article so I'm postin the whole thing! Caroline has a writing style very similar to mine and she says all the things I would like to say. I copied and pasted it below with the original link.

Credit where credit is due, Caroline!

P.S. This post seems sexist right? I'm writing one entitled

"Why She Doesn't Call" for later.

Now enjoy the article below.

xoxo

Why Men Don't Call? Why Hasn't He Called Yet?

By Caroline Therancy

That phone call.

You are waiting for it.

He hasn't called. Yet. Again.

Why don't men call?

I check the phone tone to make sure that the phone works.

I check to see if my cell phone is open. Maybe he has left a message and it hasn't shown yet on my screen.

I check my voice mail.]

Nothing.

Like many women, I wonder about it when I have a new romantic prospect. When is he going to call?

I think that a man that is interested in knowing more about you and ready for a relationship should call between 24h-72 hours after the evening.

The average is 48 hours. Beyond that, his interest is not strong enough for the different reasons listed in this article.

According to Dr. John Gray (Mars and Venus on a Date), men are like emotional camels. Camels can walk through the desert for days without needing any water. Men can spend days without a need for a feminine presence.

That is a satisfying explanation. The majority of men don't seem to be in a hurry to connect with women.

Another reason why men don't call is they have to decide when it is the right moment to call. Men are really sensitive to rejection. They have the jitters just to think that they have to call that girl. It could be from past experiences.

According to the book, "What Men Want, Gerstman, Pizzo, Seldes" sometimes, just the thought of leaving a message and the girl doesn't return the call is a major rejection for them. It could be an enough reason for why men don't call.

Why men don't call can be that afterwards, as he is reminiscing the conversation that you both had he feels that you are not his type. You don't need to take it personally because you have had those same feelings for other guys in the past. It's part of dating.

Why men don't call could be because he is not ready to get involved. You don’t necessarily share that kind of personal information with a stranger. Maybe he will keep it for later, when he will be ready in 6 months to 2 years. I know, it is long but some guys are just like that.

Why men don't call maybe because you were just a challenge to him. Disappointing, but unfortunately it could be true. You can look at the bright side and take it as a compliment.

Why men don't call could be that he has been unexpectedly busy or sick. If this is the case, then he will call within a week and explain why he hasn't called before without you asking for it.
If he doesn't mention anything, you know now that the guy has no good manners or does not have respect for you or any women. You dump him.

Why men doesn't call could be that he is involved with someone else. He hasn't told you about it. It has nothing to do with you. It is about his current dating situation.
Now you are maybe asking yourself:

"What makes the man call?"

The guy has to feel that he had a great connection with you. I use to believe that the connection had to be on an intellectual level. I think it is still true but it is still not quite enough. That was one of the reasons why men don't call.

The connection had to be on an emotional level.

While you are having a conversation with him, look at him straight in the eyes. Smile while you do that.

Also, touch his arm once in a while as you are making a point or laughing. Invite to talk to your ear once in a while so he can smell your perfume, your hair.

And as he is leaving or you are leaving, keep looking at him one last time and smile at him.

You will haunt his dreams that night. It will be difficult for him not to call you after this.

What to do if you are still obsessed with the man?

You could give him a call.

Beware; if you are doing this, be aware that you are taking risks of deflating the interest. The first moments of a starting relationship are crucial for its success.

Men are hunters; the more they hunt, the more they get attached.
None of my male friends agree with me on this. Some of them strongly disagree. Others won't admit it.

I don't care about those opinions because that is what I have witnessed. My male friends who have proposed to their girlfriends were the one when the girl was independent and careless.
When you will call back, call when you are not upset. Avoid asking him why he hasn't called yet. You'll have better chances of keeping the conversation light. He will find you charming. Let him ask for a date.

If he doesn't ask to see you after this, let it go. Forget about it and move on.

In the end, you will be much happier.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Men-Dont-Call?-Why-Hasnt-He-Called-Yet?&id=362704

Must Watch: Controlling Behavior and Possessiveness

2010-01-13T17:22:00.000-08:00

Please watch this.

Acid Attack Destroys a Model's Dreams

(All 6 parts can be found on youtube. Search: Katie Piper)

I was completely humbled by this video.

Katie Piper is inspiring and radiates true beauty.

When someone is controlling and possessive in a relationship,(as Katie's boyfriend was) it can lead to devastating consequences. It should be a red flag in any relationship.

Playing Games

2010-01-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

"Most of the time people are not aware they are playing games; it is just a normal part of social interaction. Games are a lot like playing poker, when we hide our real motivations as a part of strategy to achieve the payoff.."

You just went on GREAT first date. The stars are in your eyes and you're walking on cloud nine. You can't wait to see your date again. What happens next?

YOU WAIT.

You wait to call the other person

You wait for the call.

If you call that night or the following night, you are deemed forward or too aggressive. Waiting for the call is the most excruciating experience in the dating world.

That night begins with this thought:

"I cannot wait until he calls in a couple of days!"

The next day it turns to:

"I'm sure he enjoyed himself as much as I did. I know he'll call soon."

"Why hasn't he called or texted? I really thought we had fun.

Finally:

"Maybe I was wrong! If he liked me, he would have called. What a JERK! He completely led me on. If he does call, I'm going to ignore him so he thinks I'm busy."

(A game matched with a game.)

While the above freak show is going on, the guy is probably playing Halo, World of Warcraft, watching some kind of sport, or possibly telling his buds how cool you are.

On occasion, he really didn't like you and he isn't going to call.

That is a post for another day.

Guy #1: Hey Dude. Did you call that cool chick from the other day?
Guy #2: Nah man. Maybe this weekend.
Guy #3: Whoa bro. I just got the high score!
Guy #2: Whatever dude. You know I'll dominate you.

Every single person plays games.

Here come the "I don't play games" people.

I've heard this claim about a billion times.

Guess what?

By uttering the above words, you are playing a game.

*gasp*

Your game is to attract those who are sick of people who play games.

You are being the guy/girl that is different.

Honey, that is your game.

Shocker.

"People play games as a substitute for real intimacy, and every game, however unpleasant, has a particular payoff for one or both players."

Example Time.

Good Game: Holding out for that 1st kiss.

Traditional Game: Waiting a couple days to arrange a 2nd date.

Unhealthy game: Ignoring phone calls from your boyfriend to really make him hurt.

Marital Game: Using sex to get your husband to do whatever you want him to.

I am not an advocate of games but I believe it is in fact human nature. People always have and probably always will play games. You will be a cut above the rest if you merely realize games are afoot.

Psychiatrist Eric Berne wrote a book called "Games People Play". It gives great insight to this whole "game playing" theory. If you're too lazy to hit up a library, check out this website http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/03/12/the-games-people-play-in-new-relationships/.

Are there any games that you despise?

xoxo

Quick Post: Funny Story and Letting Go

2010-01-09T11:52:00.000-08:00

Now everyone look to your right and notice the box where you can leave me a quick note.

As a joke, a boy I was dating left his number there.

(It is the message that references a girl name Francesca Smitherton)

Well, I received a phone call from him a few days ago and someone who reads the blog actually texted him.

It gave me quite the laugh and I was wondering what in the world compelled this person to do such a thing.

What a risky move!

It's like calling one of the numbers on a bathroom stall.

If you would be so kind, (person who did this) please email me or leave a comment below about your little adventure.

I took a trip to Barnes and Noble a couple days ago to find a new book.

I am a psych major so clearly I gravitate to that area of the bookstore.

While thumbing through books, I saw two books that looked like they had been opened many times. (Their bindings were very bent.)

The first book was entitled, "Letting Go: 12 weeks to healing a broken heart" and the second was, "You mean I'm not lazy,crazy, or stupid?"

I wonder what issues people are dealing with. :)

I bought Letting Go and if it's any good, I'll dedicate some blogs to the book.

xoxo

Christmas Blues: Oh No the Mistletoe!

2009-12-15T18:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas Tip #1: Don't be the creep pacing underneath the mistletoe

I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to christmas.

I hate buying presents. I never know what to get for people.

I love opening presents and hearing that I have a present under the tree.

I hate going to the mall with all the people jammed wall to wall. (Wow. I'm a poet.)

I love seeing christmas lights everywhere and hearing the salvation army person ringing their bell. Call me crazy but that sound means christmas is near.

I love christmas parties. The food is usually great and the company is even better. The best part is the wierdo standing near the mistletoe. ;) Not even a mistletoe will get you a kiss buddy!

I HATE those crappy kiosks that pop up everywhere in the mall. You know which ones I'm talking about. You pass by them and someone asks you about your nails or hair.
I always feel completely insulted when they stop me. Does it look like I need help with my hair or nails?

Christmas Tip#2: Don't run back to an ex because you're lonely

People often times miss an ex when christmas is looming around.

Everyone wants someone to share christmas with and it is easy to focus on past christmas experiences. Don't move backward, move forward. It is easy to find someone during christmas time. There are christmas events and parties galore. Just keep your family close and have some fun.

Christmas Tip#3: Keep an eye on your family and friends

December has a higher suicide rate than any other month. When christmas rolls around, people get depressed.. real depressed. The Christmas Blues are very common and you can read more about it here--->http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/35124.php

"If you are feeling depressed, surround yourself with positive people who make you feel hopeful and give you encouragement. Keep things simple, give only what you can afford.
If you are alone or far away from family and friends, then join
a local volunteer group that brings holiday cheers to others. You will help
yourself and others this way.
For those who enjoy the excitement and energy of
the holidays, be aware of those who may have gone through some difficult changes in the past year and, in the true spirit of the season, invite them to celebrate with you, and remind them that there is hope. "
xoxo
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Shout Out #11: MBP

2009-12-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

I received this comment from Kayla M:

Dear Dating Guru,

I like to check up on your blog and see your latest postings. I think you are pretty right-on a lot of the time. I like how you don't claim to be this super smart professional... you're just putting out your opinion...and people can read it if they want...and if they don't like it, then they can stop reading. Simple!!
This comment doesn't really have anything to do with the above post....I actually have another question for you.
Have you seen mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com? If not...I suggest you read it. I'd really REALLY love to see your thoughts about it! And it would make for a great post topic!

Hope to hear back from you!

Almost immediately after reading it, I decided to check out these "mormon bachelors" and their blog.

My friend Kylee scooted near me as I waited for the page to load.

As we read through a few of the posts our faces went from this

to this

ultimately to

THISIf you haven't read the blog, take a look.

I shouldn't criticize another blog because mine is far from perfect so I merely made a couple observations.

Observation #1: The bachelors will rate any picture on a scale on 1-10.

They have even rated themselves. (..eye roll..)

Their personal ratings range from 6.5 to 9.

Interestingly enough, there are ZERO pictures present of these gentlemen. :)

Observation #2: They mainly write for reaction and to stir emotion.

That emotion is usually disgust or annoyance for me.

Their posts are like a freak show.

You want so badly to look away but somehow your eyes WILL NOT MOVE. You don't look away.. thus leaving you scarred for life.

In all honesty, I find the blog intriguing.

The bachelors may seem like they are going absolutely nowhere in life and will eventually become the 40 year old unmarried men that live in the "glory days".... but for some reason, the blog is absolutely addicting. Sometimes we don't want to read the truth about what some guys think and some of the posts are so true, it hurts. I just can't believe I wasted all that time reading posts about text conversations. I'm ashamed of myself, I really really am.

(I did enjoy this post though: http://mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com/2009/05/attractive-on-1-10-scale.html ha ha)

In conclusion, I don't think these mormon bachelors are as bad as they seem. They are just silly boys writing a blog about making out and dating hot girls. Blogs thrive when they are different or outrageous. I think the boys are just putting on a big show for the blog world. I mean, come on, boys like that don't blog. For all we know, the bachelors could be an old fat man making the whole thing up. ;) Or maybe they are that cool and blog savvy. You decide.

xoxo

Read the blog. Let me know what you think.

Thanks for commenting Kayla!

Age: Does it Matter?

2009-11-30T23:00:00.000-08:00

I am a cougar and I DON'T go to Byu.

The boyfriend is 21 and I'm 22. :)

We are only 5 months apart

He's about a foot taller than I am

5'5<6'5.He wins.

While ordering wings for the Byu vs. Utah game I had a strange encounter.

An older man (late 30s to 40s who was cleaning the windows) approached me as I bought some delicious honey habanero wings.

He first tried to save my soul by handing me a pamphlet about Jesus and then proceeded to ask me for my number. I quickly spouted that I had a boyfriend and slid into my car. Seconds later I heard a tap on my window. I knew it was the window cleaning man... but I hesitated to look up. There he was standing next to my car with a smile from ear to ear.

Stupidly, I rolled the window down.

"I see you have a U sticker on your car. Did you graduate from the U?"

"Umm.. no. I'm only 22."

"Oh that young huh? I would have taken you for older. Maybe 30."

KNIFE INSERTED INTO MY CHEST.

I better lay off the tanning.

^Me in 10 years^

Even after this man (or creeper rather) knew I was so young and in a relationship, he continued to hound me for my number. Fear struck I rambled a fake number off and drove away as fast as my car would go.

I have decided to keep the pamphlet entitled "Smile. Jesus Loves You" in my car as a reminder to NEVER roll down my window to a stranger.

I found it creepy that a man his age would consider dating someone as young as I am. (Among other things I found creepy.) Do you think age matters? Of course it does LEGALLY, but after someone turns 18 are they fair game?

Society will always frown upon large age gaps in a relationship. Who is to say it will or won't work? I personally don't mind dating someone a little younger or a little older but I haven't dated anyone who was extremely older or younger.

Mary Ann Rudy writes:

"Love is love. It exists and survives regardless of the age difference between two people who are truly and deeply in love.

Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions on the part of those who do not understand how relationships such as these could possibly be lasting and successful. People automatically assume that there must be something wrong with those who are not deterred by age when entering into a romantic relationship. Also, there seems to be a significant double-standard between the sexes.

For example, the majority of individuals are generally accepting of relationships in which the man is older than the woman. However, when the woman is older than the man, she is sometimes seen in a negative light, or labeled as a "cougar".

Nevertheless, these relationships can, and often do, withstand the test of time. It is true that some of them fail, and this could be based on the fact that a couple with a significant age difference may have little in common; depending upon how wide the age gap is. They are not always able to share the same interests, and they may be at different stages in life. However, many of these couples are able to respect their differences, and to focus their attention on what they do have in common. They are not embarrassed by their relationships, and they often take great pride in them.

They simply enjoy the love they are experiencing, and often, over time, they forget that an age-difference exists at all."

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1866357/does_age_matter_in_a_relationship.html?cat=41

What do you think? I'd like to hear some stories!

xoxo

p.s The wings were amazing and so worth being harassed by the window guy. :)

Return of the Jedi: I guess I am hip!

2009-11-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

In my last blog, I called swine flu "trendy".

In my last blog, I said I wasn't hip enough to get swine flu.

False.

I am here to officially announce I am very hip! I have lived through the swine flu.

Immediately after I was diagnosed, everyone around me began to panic.

Lysol, masks, gloves, the whole nine yards.

Except for the boyfriend.

He proceeded to blow up the latex gloves and jab me in the face with them. Aww..TRUE.LOVE.

As he spent days with me in my "sickness" (it really wasn't that bad),
I started to think about the stages we go through in an exclusive relationship.
I looked terrible while I was sick but realized I didn't have to wear makeup or smell amazing for him to like me.

At least this is what I'm hoping, maybe he has one foot out the door after my run in with the swiney.

I am definitely one of those girls that needs a little mascara and some bronzer or I look like the Crypt Keeper. (If you don't know 'Tales from the Crypt' then GOOGLE IT)

I love the "No Makeup Stage" but I think some girls tend to abuse it. Once they have their men trapped, they don't feel the need to take 3 hours getting ready like they once did.
I guess this stage is a fair trade for the stage men sometimes abuse. That stage can be called "The After Marriage Pot Belly Stage". An eye for an eye.
Anyway, like a true Jedi, I have returned after battling the forces of evil.. (swine flu) Hope all is well in the dating world!

xoxo

Dating is Scary: Halloween 09

2009-11-04T18:30:00.000-08:00

Finding a sober person on Halloween is like finding Waldo in a room full of candy cane sweaters.

Try finding Waldo in the picture below.

^^Yeah it's THAT HARD^^

My Halloween Night had its awkward moments, which included watching girls act as trashy as possible because it was Halloween.

Halloween= Reason to dress like a hooker (I can see some of you guys smirking like "Yeh.. Thank heaven for halloween." SLAP YOU.)

As I dry heaved to myself watching these girls, I started to feel sorry for my single friends.

How in the world do you compete with a half naked girl?

DATING.IS.SCARY. Way scarier than all the fake blood and corsets that were swirling around me. The fear of rejection is enough to send us all to our basements to watch 'The Notebook' and eat ice cream.

...I prefer dill pickle sunflower seeds for my depression. To each their own I guess...

Being in a relationship is just as scary. Breaking up always hurts even when only your pride is smashed.

Divorce is running rampant and cheaters are being caught like the common cold. (or like swine flu. Swine flu is so trendy. I'm not hip enough to get it.)

Dating can be hard and it sucks 99% of the time. BUT when you find that 1% it makes everything worth it.

Advice: Go to as many parties,events, or activities as you can. Basically, get off your lazy gluteus maximus and start dating!

You could choose PLAN B (basement and ice cream.)But here is a word of caution, negativity attracts negativity. If you are pessimistic about dating, you will only see terrible results.

Don't believe me because I'm some nobody college student? Maybe this will enlighten you.. http://socyberty.com/relationships/how-negativity-affects-your-relationship/. Stay positive and you will find the one for you.

Practice SELF-BELIEF.

xoxo

p.s Obviously dating isn't always a walk in the park.

Just keep your chin up.

Trust me.. an ex of mine is really getting under my skin at the moment. :)

Awesome things I've read this week

2009-10-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's Halloween Weekend!

Hey kiddos! I have read some awesome articles this week that I think some of you will enjoy. I love giving fellow bloggers credit where credit is due so check this out http://missnesbit.blogspot.com/2009/06/engaged-people.html.

Also, I read a bomb article on yahoo this morning that can really help us girls out.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/gettingstarted/9959/14-relationship-mistakes-we-wish-wed-stop-making/
Granted not ALL of us make every one of these mistakes but I saw some on the list that I am guilty of.

xoxo

The Alpha Dog: Why Girls Usually Hate On Other Girls

2009-10-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

Here's the scenario:

The person you're dating asks you to meet his friends and their girlfriends/wives. Meeting these people isn't too big of a deal. (Unless your guy has a man crush on his best friend. Then GAME OVER if his best friend(s) dislikes you.) Anyway, here is what typically happens when you meet everyone, the guys automatically like you and the girls reluctantly acknowledge your existence. The rest of the night you will probably watch the girls whisper to each other and give you the dirty eye. Oh the joys of dating!

Why does this happen?

Girls are like wolves. They roam in packs and are very careful about who they let join.(Especially if they are a close set of friends.) Like wolves, most girls are waiting for any moment to rip you apart. The leader of the pack is the Alpha Dog. The Alpha successfully gets all the other girls to do what she wants them to. The Alpha Dog wants to remain in her position and will become defensive at the first sniff of competition. Alright ladies, let's be honest and admit we all hate competition. Some girls just take it to the extreme. It doesn't matter if the Alpha Dog is married or has a boyfriend, it is about control and power. She doesn't want you threatening her position.

There are ALWAYS exceptions to every theory of mine. Some girls are very welcoming and open to making new friends. These girls are more secure about themselves and likely have higher self esteem than the "wolves". Basically, girls that hate other girls have insecurity issues that need to be addressed.

Dates when you go out with multiple couples can be difficult. I cannot stand dirty looks and the whispering. Oh the whispering! It drives me insane.

Sigh. Girls. *shakes head*

This post is very random but I went on a triple date last week. 'Nuff said.
xoxo

Backpedaling

2009-10-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

**Hopefully you don't mind me posting this P.** :)
Msg: I talked with my girl and we decided to take a step backwards. Dating no title. But history tells me backwards steps don't end well.

I received this message from a very good friend of mine a couple days ago. (I may be in the doghouse for posting his text but I decided to take my chances.) Here is the bottom line, backpedaling is risky business and it never helps a relationship grow into something deeper.

Backpedaling: v.
1.
backpedal - pedal backwards on a bicycle
bicycle, bike, pedal, wheel, cycle - ride a bicycle
2.
backpedal - step backwards, in boxing
step - shift or move by taking a step; "step back"
3.
backpedal - modify one's opinion, make it less strong
rethink - change one's mind; "He rethought his decision to take a vacation"

Why do we date? There are plenty of reasons but ultimately it is to find someone to spend our lives with. If you are unsure about a relationship and begin to backpedal ask yourself these questions:

Is the person I'm dating MP? (Marriage Potential) Do I see this relationship lasting long term?
Am I non-commital?
Will I miss this person when they're gone or will I just miss having someone?

Analyze yourself and the relationship. Is the person you're dating the problem or are YOU the problem?

xoxo

P.S Avoid the Backpedal! It's bad for the ankles. :)

Halloween 2009: Ideas for all you Halloweenies

2009-10-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

October is an awesome time for dating. Take note, Haunted house + Cute Guy or Girl=Good Date. I went to the Haunted Forest last weekend and I was beyond hysterical. I kept screaming "LOOK AT THEIR FREAKY EYE HOLES!" which makes absolutely NO SENSE. Let's be honest though, sunken eyeholes are indeed freaky.

Anyway, check out some of these places this October:

Paranormal Dinner and Dark Tours at Hogle Zoo $20-22

Fridays and Saturdays 801 944-7656

Eat a catered dinner while a real Wasatch Paranormal Investigator tells "Ghost Stories"

The Howl at USU $10-20 Oct.28

http://www.usu.edu/howl/

Dark Night Costume Party at Studio 600 Oct.29 and 31 $10

http://www.mystudio600.com/

Red Butte Gardens After Dark $8

http://www.redbuttegarden.org/

I'll be posting more ideas throughout October. I'm from UT so I don't know much about what is going on out of state or country. If you have any of your own ideas post them in a comment.

xoxo

p.s Will post more later! :)

Something to Think About

2009-10-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

67% of people do not trust someone on a first date

and

59% of people find it difficult to find someone they really like

The Caterpillar Complex

2009-10-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

The Caterpillar Complex

a.k.a Ugly Duckling Syndrome

The Caterpillar Complex is a term I use for beautiful people who lived a portion of their lives "ugly". I hate using that word because society has defined what ugly is. (I've seen many "beautiful" people who I thought were hideous.) If you remember the story of the ugly duckling, the little yellow ducks laughed at the ugly duckling and told him how ugly he was. Little did those yellow ducklings know, the ugly "duck" was in fact a swan. (Swans>Ducks. :)) I have met many people who went from ugly ducklings to swans. I call them caterpillars because it sounds a lot better than an ugly duckling. These "caterpillars" stayed in their cacoons a little longer than most do, but they end up far more beautiful.

Here is where the word complex comes in, these sweet little caterpillars don't realize they are butterflies. Caterpillar people still have a complex that prohibits them from seeing how physically beautiful they really are.

I have a close friend who suffers from The Caterpillar Complex. Through junior high and high school she was ridiculed for the way she looked. At the very end of high school, she blossomed and is one of the prettiest girls I know. Her self esteem was so damaged she doesn't realize how physically gorgeous she has become. (She was always beautiful to the people who really love her.) Now she is pretty and humble, which makes her a hot commodity on the dating market. While in her younger years, she had to overcompensate her looks with her personality leaving her with an enjoyable personality as well. The problem is, she still has a low self esteem and often puts herself down.

Here is my only tip for anyone who is a Caterpillar (or anyone really): Realize your potential and have a high self esteem. (Don't be overly confident/cocky. Yes, there is a major difference.)

Even if you don't have The Caterpillar Complex, take the above advice. Regardless of the way you look, everyone has a right to find someone to love and be happy. Don't let society and their ideals lead you to believe anything else. There is someone waiting to love you for you... That I can promise with all my heart.

xoxo

Being a Hypocrite 101

2009-10-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

The Facebook Delete: What a person does to make a bold statement showing they are upset with you. You are officially NOT FRIENDS.

I hate The Facebook Delete with a passion. It is so annoying when you try to visit someone's profile and you realize you have been deleted. I don't know why it hurts my feelings so much. Chances are I don't care to talk to the person who deleted me, BUT COME ON! :) Now here is the sad truth, when a boyfriend and I break up.. the first thing I do is delete them. Oh the stupid things we do!

Don't get me started on "relationship status"!
xoxo

Lust vs. Love: How can you tell the difference?

2009-09-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

First off, let's not confuse the word lust with the word passion. Real love or -->consummate love<-- is very passionate and fufilling, Passion can also be involved with lust but only lasts for a short period of time. I'm no stranger to lust. Have you seen Brad Pitt in 'A River Runs Through It'?

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

So how do you tell the difference between love and lust? Can you spend time together without getting physical? Keep in mind that this can be hard even if it isn't lust. I love kissing my boyfriend but he can make my heart race from across the room. That sounded a bit sappy. He doesn't need to know I said that. I'd like to keep the upper hand in my relationship. Comprende?

In an intense intimate situation anything can be said. If the first time you hear "I love you" is in a heated moment, slightly or completely ignore it. Wait for a quiet time to talk about it. Unfortunately, some men will say those 3 little words just to "get some". If the person you are dating only wants to be physical EVERYTIME you are together, take a step back and analyze the relationship.

Lustful relationships are fleeting. We will all get old someday, our hormones will calm down, and being physical won't be as important as it used to be.

I found some great advice on wikihow:

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-the-Difference-Between-Love,-Infatuation-and-Lust

If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly, introspect. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?
Consider what comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, what do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. If you want to be with them, learn about them, and maybe someday have a sexual relationship, you are probably in a good mix of all three.
Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
Love is when you love the whole person (spirit, heart, mind and body), lust is when you only love part of them, which means that you see only part of the person as having value and that the whole person is not valuable.
Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.

I couldn't explain it any better than the above advice. An important part is where it mentions having a "good mix of all three". When you love someone, you can't keep your hands off them but you love them for so many other reasons too.

xoxo

Happy Dating!

Nappi Clothing

2009-09-26T13:27:00.001-07:00

Hey guys! A friend of mine, Dan Nappi, is having the grand opening of his new clothing store. I am going up there later today to spend all my hard earned cash because everything is half off. Maybe I'll run into some of you! :) The addy is 2105 s. main. Here is the website: http://www.nappiclothing.com/. Check it out. The brand is definitely up and coming.. What does this have to do with dating? Well you have to wear clothes on the date right?

xoxo

Shout Out #10

2009-09-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

Jill said...
I'm older than you? Seriously? I would have never thought...

In Utah years I am like 40 years old. (22 is ancient here!) Btw, Jill you are somewhat new to the blog, aren't you? Thanks for reading, even with the inconsistency the last few months.

Tiffany said...
I am so glad that Chauncey is back!! And I am also glad you are back!

Chauncey is quite the character isn't he? Hey Chauncey, if you wanna write a little something for the blog.. I'll post it. :)

I receive all kinds of emails, here was a good one:

"you think Id take advice from a chick with no boyfriend and a broken engagement?..."

The name was left anonymous. Typical. :) First let me make a correction, I do have a boyfriend. As for the broken engagement, I wasn't in love with my ex fiance and I admit that I made a very poor decision. One more thing, don't call women "chicks", it shows a lack of respect.

I would love to do more shout outs BUT I want everyone to direct a few emails and comments to Spence this week. He is our little newbie and he needs to be welcomed! (Or maybe it could be that I'm sick of being that chick who gives advice with no boyfriend and a broken engagement.) :) Give Spencer some love because he is our esteemed guest writer.

Oprah, It's Who You Are

2009-09-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

HELLO to everyone! Let me first say thanks to Laura and ultimately all of you for giving me a chance to spread a little wisdom (or the lack thereof) on the Gospel of Dating! Second, my name is Spencer and I am a 22 year old college student with a declared major in child/adolescent psychology.

You may be wondering, What qualifies "Spencer" to give dating advice? Well, I will answer that with another question...What qualifies Oprah, a lady with no husband, nokids, and a degree in broadcasting; to suddenly be an expert in relationships,raising children, and an expert book/literature critic!!!??? (Don't be offended ladies) Don't get me wrong, I have all the respect in the world for Oprah. She has managed to make a massive name for herself despite the lack of relevant credentials. This same philosophy should be adopted and applied in each of our own dating lives.

Remember this, "Its not what you do, its who you are." Lets walk through this from two perspectives, both guys and girls, and I will show you what I am talking about.

GIRLS: Picture this, its a Saturday morning and the night before you talked to two different guys...GUY "A" who is so charming and so attractive and he promised to call you soon. You also talked to GUY "B" who is charming in his own way but you weren't impressed. He also promised to call you soon. Now it's Saturday morning around 9 am and you get a text from GUY "B"...99% of all girls reaction summed up in one overused word...CREEPY!! "Weird, this guy calls so early in morning...CREEPY. Does he have anything else to do?" Am I right? But if GUY "A" sends a text at 9 am its no longer "CREEPY" its "oh how cute, he must be thinking about me!" Ok, remember its not what was done, it was who they were!

GUYS: Typically our predate thought process is concerned with 'Where should I take her?' Or, 'What should I wear?' We end up so worried about the restaurant or activity that the girl herself takes a backseat to the date. Remember, she IS the date. You don't have to worry about what you do guys, as long as you worry about WHO YOU ARE. Are you the guy who is over worried about the food or the fact that things didn't go as planned? Or are you the guy who makes sure the girl is the center of attention? Once you are that guy (don't pretend either,girls are like hound dogs, they pick up any scent of cheese) it won't matter what you do, because you have already established yourself and every word from your mouth will be golden. Crazy? What's crazy is that Twilight sales went up 35% after Oprah (no literature degree) said its "A must read." Well I wish us all happy dating, and encourage everyone to write in questions for/about me...and I think this should be alot of fun. We should also see what we can do to get Laura to bring back the Chronicles of Reagan. I met that kid, he's got game! ahah

Hygiene

2009-09-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, we do notice. Pre-date essentials: brush teeth, clean and cut fingernails, wear a clean outfit and use gum. 'Nuff said.

xoxo

The Chokehold: Coming on too strong

2009-09-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

I think it may have been the aroma of fresh paint in my new place that helped me title this post. I waited for the first coat to dry and sprawled out across the cool tile floor. My head was pounding, the paint fumes were making me high, and I decided to write a new blog post.

Coming on too strong is a relationship death wish. It can be hard to move slowly in the beginning of an exciting new relationship but take caution. The term I have for coming on too strong is The Chokehold. You can only choke someone for so long before they die. Take notes: No air to breathe=death.

Here are some signs you're coming on too strong:

You call the person repeatedly throughout the day.
You constantly tell them how you feel
You ask them how they feel and push them to express their feelings. There is a time and a place for this. Let the person tell you when they are ready.
You worry when they don't return your phone calls or texts. GASP! Maybe the person is busy! You may then proceed to send "?" and "Are you there?" texts.

Below is a diagram of The Chokehold Trifecta. A surefire way to kill any relationship. Patent Pending. :) These three traits together will prevent you from keeping a relationship. You will smother the person and they will leave you.

suf·fo·cate
1. To kill or destroy by preventing access of air or oxygen.
2. To impair the respiration of; asphyxiate.
3. To cause discomfort to by or as if by cutting off the supply of fresh air.
4. To suppress the development, imagination, or creativity of; stifle.

Relationships need fresh air to breathe so they can grow and develop.
xoxo

Party Etiquette

2009-09-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

http://www.party411.com/queen.html <---- I always find websites that have such great advice. I am having a housewarming party for my own place soon and The Etiquette Queen knows what is appropriate and what is not. Her advice ranges from bridal to house parties. Check this site out if you have any questions about your next party.

I went to a birthday party in Provo a week or two ago. I arrived right on time (I usually wait an hour or so if it's a house party) because it was a birthday party and they were opening presents and eating cake at 9. After the cake, the music was cranked up and a dance party began. There were about 5 girls to every guy so the ratio was not great. I slipped outside for a breather and watched people flood into the house. A few minutes later, a young guy came and sat with me. He seemed nice enough but he was as awkward as they come. "How old are you?" was his first question. I replied that I was almost 22 and he then said "Oh that old?" Strike one. Never call a girl old ESPECIALLY when she's in her early twenties. He goes on to ask me why "a pretty girl like me is not married and if there is something wrong with me."Strike two. He then begins to chuckle in a very throaty, loud way. I was feeling more awkward with each passing second. I felt insulted and hoped he would get up and leave. Next he asks me, "Where are you from?" I told him Salt Lake. He said he didn't like Salt Lake girls because they are so too different than Provo girls. Strike three. He proceeded to shake my hand and return to the party house. I couldn't have been any happier. :)
Obviously this guy's etiquette was terrible so lets talk about normal party ideas/rules.

If you are a guest and don't know the owner of the house, introduce yourself
Watch what you wear. Presentation is key! If you wear revealing clothes, you'll be treated like a one night stand.
Wear a conversation piece. (I promise this will really work.) I try to wear an awesome bracelet or a bando headband. Sometimes I wear a funny shirt like this:
Don't come on too strong. Just chit chat with the person that you're interested in. Offer to get them a drink. Say this: "Gosh I'm so thirsty. I need a drink. Do you want one?" Be casual and feel the situation out. Talk about a movie you just saw or about interests they have. Ask about their favorite place to get a bite to eat. You can usually tell when a person is interested and when they aren't.

Worst case scenario(WCS): You ask someone for their number and they say no. You are both trapped inside the same house and every corner you turn you run into the person. Don't leave the party! There may be potentials there. Just pretend the WCS didn't happen.

If you know the person who is throwing the party, ask them to introduce to someone you are interested in. Parties are a good place to meet people so keep a good look out and bring a wingman.
xoxo
Happy Dating!

Returning to the Big Bad Dating World

2009-09-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

Miss me?:) I have been the worst blogger this entire summer. I'm willing to admit it. So, anyone who wants a free hug and a "I'm sorry for abandoning you!" just add it in your comment. I have been working on some ideas and dealing with life. I am planning a bachelorette party that will blow all others out of the water, working, studying, and dodging life's curve balls. I am currently in the process of moving and it is sucking the blooming life out of me! After watching 'Bewitched' the other night, I found myself hoping and praying for magical powers. If only I could wiggle my nose and all my crap would jump into all the cardboard boxes.

So as I said in my previous post, I have asked a very dear friend of mine to join the blog. He is the funniest and most amazing guy I know. I cannot wait to read his posts and see a window into the male thought process. Hopefully it will be enlightening for all my women readers. He is working with his own busy schedule to find a time he can write but he will introduce himself soon.

This post is mainly an update but there is an important topic I want to talk about, The Big Bad Dating World. After leaving a long term relationship or being divorced, dating can seem scary. Depending on the circumstances of your late relationship, thinking about moving on and meeting someone else can seem unbearable. This subject is very close to my heart at the moment as I see someone I love dealing with this issue. Let me pour a cup of optimism over your heads! Dating is wonderful and will lead you (through ups and downs) towards someone who will love you and make you happy. Take baby steps after a breakup but remain optimistic about your future. Negative energy attracts negative people. Anyone can find love if they are willing to search and work for it. Let time assist you in easing into dating again but don't be timid. Make an effort to find the love who is also looking for you!

Thank you to all my readers for being patient with me. My posts haven't been as well thought out as usual but that will change soon. Keep writing me! I am reading your emails. I will get back to you.
xoxo

Making a Relationship Work: When to give in,When to give up

2009-08-25T05:52:00.000-07:00

What makes a relationship work? Patience,Understanding,Communication and Unconditional Love. All these examples are very true but they sound like they were barfed out of 'Chicken Soup for the Soul.' Relationships take a lot more than just those 4 things. Serious relationships are not easy and if they are, someone in the relationship is a DOOR MAT. You are two different people from two different backgrounds, there will/should be disagreements.

Relationships take compromise in every way, shape, and form. When considering the future of your relationship consider what you are willing to compromise. When can you give in? Maybe you hate animals and your significant other loves them. You choose to let him/her have an animal but it has to stay outside. This is a basic example of compromise.

Some days you will feel you are right about everything and so will your partner. Even when you feel you are right or even KNOW you are, you need to give in. Saying sorry is one of the hardest things to do and forgiving someone can be just as hard. If you think you are punishing your partner by giving them the silent treatment or holding a grudge, you aren't. You are only punishing yourself and making yourself unhappy.

To make a relationship work long term, you need to have the same values and beliefs as your partner. There must at least be a mutual respect for each other's values and beliefs. Religion is very important in a relationship. It is difficult to blend two religious people or cultures into one family. It is not easy to blend two separate cultures or religions but it can be done and it can work.

You need to be willing to endure both the good and the ugly. But you need to learn when it is best for you to give up. I find cheating to be the part where I give up. I forgive the person so I don't carry the burden but I move on. If there are differences that prohibit compromise or you have loads of excess fighting, a change needs to be made or you need to give up. Give up for sake of you and the person you are dating.

Communication is key. I see too many friends of mine who come to me when they are having relationship issues. These friends should be talking to the person they are dating. Cut out the middle man, unless it is too severe and then a therapist is necessary. You will see the therapist TOGETHER and she will help you communicate with each other. Effective communication is essential in a healthy, working relationship. Do what works best for you! I have a bit of a temper so when I'm upset I heat up instead of crying or pouting. I have found I need my own space for a few moments to collect myself before I continue the conversation. If not, I will go off like a firework and become caught up in my emotions. In my relationship, I state that I am upset and I need a few minutes or maybe a night to settle. :) If you say how you are feeling it will be easier for the other person to understand.

UNHEALTHY: Being a door mat
HEALTHY: "Choosing your Battles" Learn when it's important to pick a fight and when you need to let it go.

xoxo

P.S. I'm too excited to think of anymore clues so I will just tell you the big suprise! There will be a male writer joining Adventures in Dating! I have been so busy that I have been neglecting all of you. This idea is still in the works but if all goes as planned, you will love our new guru! I can't wait to hear from the male perspective every week. Don't forget about me just yet :( , I will still be writing every week. But the blog will be getting a huge overhaul to welcome our newest addition.

Happy Birthday!

2009-08-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

Guess who is turning 22 today?

Your favorite dating guru!

Still can't guess? ME silly! I'll post more when I get a chance. Btw, this is not the big suprise I was giving you clues about. :)

At The Pool

2009-08-18T05:15:00.000-07:00

Before I jump into this post, I need to address this: Heidi said... This may be really dumb and really blonde of me for guessing but are you pregnant? Or is that the sign for being a lesbian? Sorry if that is totally WRONG!!

Tee hee :) Good guesses BUT no! I am straight and I am not anywhere close to being pregnant. I had to post this because it gave me a good laugh. The big change has to do with the blog and not me individually. Clue #1 was MALE. (That was the symbol for male..)

The URL for this blog is whatnot2date.blogspot.com and for good reason, I met exactly WHAT NOT TO DATE today at the pool. I spent 4 (almost)blissful hours at Cowabunga Bay today. I cooked myself to about medium well (brown with a tiny bit of pink) and got at least 12 wedgies on the water slides. When I wasn't lounging in the lazy river, I was lounging in a warm vinyl chair and drinking juice.

As I was laying out and chatting on my phone, I feel a dark shadow loom over me. I flipped over and peered upward, squinting in the sunlight. There before me was a bulked up and overly tan guy. "Hang up your phone." he says assertively. At this point I was simply intrigued and I did as he said. This is where the horror began.

In a 10 minute conversation, he asked if I "worked out" because I have a "nice bod" and bragged about his boat. He implied he was rich at least 5 times and boasted about how many friends he had. He kept adjusting his "designer" glasses as he spoke. He then grabbed my phone, called himself from my phone and said "I'll call you." Then he promptly got up and left. Oh how I wish he would have given me just 2 minutes to speak. Just 2 minutes!! I could smell his insecurity stronger than his tanning oil or his typical Aqua Di Gio. He wouldn't let me speak or ask him questions because he lived in his illusion. (*Type The Illusion in the search box if you missed this post.*) I am not saying this man had no depth but he chose to showcase certain traits to impress girls. Not this guru honey! His tan, money, and pushiness may work on some women but don't be fooled, he is a manipulator. He works as a magican to trick you into wanting him. He was not genuine and basically saw me as girl #234,985 on his list.

Besides the guy above, there are always potentials at the pool. Unfortunately, the pool is one of the biggest places for insecurity. Most people feel very self conscious about their bodies and for girls, hair and makeup. Picking the right swimsuit is key. I'm not going to go into this too much because I am a dating blog guru not Tyra Banks. Pick one you feel comfortable in. For guys, if it means wearing a shirt in the pool then do it. As for the hair, I have naturally curly hair and it goes crazy when chlorine touches it. So, I bring some leave-in conditioner in my bag as well as concealer, waterproof mascara, and gel bronzer. You can get Wet n' Wild Gel Bronze for cheap and it stays on for a long time in the water. My face never tans like my body so I use this religiously. You won't look like you're wearing any makeup. Also, you can always wear those big cute glasses in pool. I have a head like a peanut so I can't wear them but I would.

The most attractive and alluring thing you can do at the pool is..(drumroll).. swim. Yes, swim in the pool and get your hair wet. (gasp!) Don't be insecure about yourself. You are your own worst critic and no one cares about the way you look. Finally, be assertive and talk to the potential at the pool. If they aren't interested, YOU'RE AT THE POOL! GO HAVE FUN!
xoxo

Here is Clue #2:

More clues to come!

QP:Clue #1

2009-08-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

Big News!

As usual, I have been too busy for my own good. I am so sorry for missing my Thursday post. My schedule has been full with work and play so I haven't had time to write. I have some funny stories from my week that I will post. I went dancing twice this week and to the most awkward party I have ever been to. I have started a post entitled, 'Party Etiquette' , which I hope everyone from the party I attended will read! Anyway, I have some big news which will change Adventures in Dating. I want to play a guessing game to see if you can figure the news out yourselves. (You probably won't guess it on the first clue)

Clue #1:

xoxo

Keep Guessing!

Dating in the Dark

2009-08-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

http://abc.go.com/primetime/datinginthedark/index. Pictures courtesy of ABC
Use the above link to see a few episodes of this crazy dating show. This post is more of a review than a regular post. I wonder if I should have made it a QP? Anyway, I enjoy watching dating shows and I really like this one. It makes me wonder what we would choose if we were "dating in the dark"?

There are other dating shows that have similar concepts but the dark room is very new. Here are some stills of the show:

Can you imagine how fun dating this way could be? Much less shallow!

The show was rated 1.7/5 but before you refuse to watch it know that the Teens Choice Awards got a 1.5/5. I guess Teens Choice Awards isn't something I should be be comparing Dating in the Dark to. No one likes watching 13 year old girls scream for R patz! (The guy on twilight) I get enough of that from my older sister. ;) Check it out though! It is such a guilty pleasure. So question, would you ever go on the show and "date in the dark"? I know I would.

xoxo

Attachment Styles

2009-08-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

I enjoy rummaging through old psych notes because I find so many interesting things. In 2006, I wrote a paper on Adult Attachment Styles. I found my rough draft (emphasis on rough) and could not put the paper down. I was 18 and completely bananas, so many passages where highlighted and doodles were everywhere. Hearts filled with the letters BK were plastered around the text. I was possibly craving Burger King at the time or daydreaming about my ex. (I'm leaning towards both.) Here is a quick course in Adult Attachment Styles. Burger King? Quick Course? I think I may be hungry.

Attachments Styles

(Hazan and Shaver 1987)

Secure: These people find it easy to get close to others. They don't worry about being abandoned or someone getting too close to them.
Avoidant: Somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. These people find it difficult to trust people or depend on them. Avoidant people become nervous when anyone gets too close.
Anxious/ambivalent: These people tend to be clingy and worry that their partner doesn't really love them or want to stay with them. The constant longing to be with someone (really anyone) usually scares people away. They experience emotional highs and lows.

I had the word avoidant circled and highlighted. I guess this meant I thought I was an avoidant person? I was surprised I hadn't circled anxious/ambivalent since I was writing my name with my boyfriend's last name ALL OVER THE PAGE. That is a sure fire way to "scare people away" and quite stalkerish as well. I always wondered why he was an ex. I solved the mystery, Watson! I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes.

My paper was entitled, 'Secure People: Do they exist?'. Honestly, I think my erratic 18 year old self had some genuine points.Secure people are hard to find, especially as we grow older. I feel I am a cautious optimist. When I begin a relationship, I hope for the best result (You know...rainbows, unicorns, beautiful babies.. etc) but I also take care of myself. I stay realistic when concerning my goals for the relationship. I feel excited when a relationship becomes serious but also scared. I am willingly giving my heart to someone and that is a huge step. Technically, I am an avoidant person but not to an extreme.

Something else I found was very fascinating, avoidant people tend to date anxious/ambivalent people. Can you imagine the chaos? Clingy people in relationships with people who avoid relationships. Drama.Drama.Drama. Very rarely to never do avoidant people date avoidant people. They are too busy avoiding each other. *Chuckle* Lame joke. I'll end my rambling on that note.

xoxo

p.s By the way, I love BK. :) ha ha Just kidding. I'm sure you wonder what the above text has to do with you or dating? The first step in finding a good relationship is understanding yourself and who you are. What are your specific needs and wants? Are they rational? Do you attach yourself to people for the right reasons?

Sloppy Seconds

2009-08-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

I had a cute reader ask about Sloppy Seconds. She preferred staying anonymous but I liked her idea so much, here is a whole post!

So here's the situation , you really like your friend's guy and they just broke up. Where are the boundaries? Can you cross the forbidden line? In a word, yes. It all depends on how serious the relationship was and who broke up with who. Another factor is how close your relationship is with your friend.

I met my best friend while living in Chicago. She stole every guy out from under me. Everything I am, she is that times ten. I started dating a guy who I really liked. I was excited to tell my best friend about my new, exciting relationship. Directly after I said his name she replied, " Oh yeah. I know him. I made out with him a little while ago." I was officially sloppy seconds. I didn't have a problem with it and neither did she. End of story. (I dated him for months after that.)

Now it doesn't always end so well. I have crossed the boundary line before and lost a friend. I was in a relationship with someone she had very strong feelings for. Do I regret my mistake? 100 percent I do. I would take my decision back in a heartbeat. I didn't step back and visualize the future. Could I see myself with this guy forever? No and now I'd lost my friend as well.

So, just assess your relationship with your friend. What kind of friend is this person? Are they possessive about their exes? Do you feel comfortable talking about it with them? Also, how important is it for you to date this guy?

Things I think are okay: Talking to your friend about it first. Being blunt about your feelings.

Things I think are a no-no: Dating your friend's CURRENT BOYFRIEND. Text messaging him behind your friends back. Dating an ex HUSBAND.

What do you guys think? Is it breaking guy/girl code to swap exes?

As weird as it sounds, I don't mind taking seconds as long as I am the last one. You know the saying, "Last the best of all the game!"

Since this post has been purely opinion, I decided to get a second: http://dating.about.com/od/trickydatingquestions/f/bestfriendex.htm

Question: Can I Date My Best Friend's Ex? By Bonny Albo
Answer: In the dating world, there are several rules that aren't discussed openly. Whether or not you can date your best friend's ex falls into this category of tricky dating questions.
If there were a black and white answer, it would be no. However, there are unique circumstances where it may be okay to date your best friend's ex. They are:

Your best friend has said clearly, "I don't care if you date my ex," and you truly believe they meant it;
You asked your best friend if it was okay for you to date their ex, and they replied in the affirmative;
Their history as ex boyfriend and/or girlfriend is now longer than their actual relationship;
Your best friend is dating someone else seriously and it's obvious they are over the ex in question.

I don't completely agree with Bonny on this one. Your future relationship with your husband/wife will automatically override any friendship. He/she will be the most important person in your life. I'm not suggesting that you should end all friendships. Friendships are very important in your life when you are married as well. I'm merely suggesting you think about the decision to date an ex very carefully.

What do you think?

xoxo

Thanks for writing in! :)

Abuse: It's never okay

2009-07-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be very heavy. I try to keep my dating blog light and humorous but I feel like abuse is something that should be addressed. In the US, 3 women are killed by abuse EVERYDAY and 1 out of every 3 women is beaten. So look around, count 3 women and chances are they are being abused. You don't know the exact details of any relationship but your own. You never know what is going on behind closed doors.

Abuse is not limited to only physical. Other types include:

emotional
sexual

These types of abuse are just as serious as physical, if not more. When your partner controls you and makes you lose confidence in yourself, that is abuse. This is also considered brainwashing. Your partner wants you to feel powerless, fear, and dependency. They want you to believe you can never leave them.

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

"Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused. That's not necessarily true. You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you -- you might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness."

Above is the Cycle of Abuse. It will never end if the victim doesn't make a change. In the reconciliation period, it is very common for the abuser to blame the victim for their anger. They also say the victim is "blowing things out of proportion". On the website I listed above, there is a picture of the Cycle of Abuse.

All of the feelings of loneliness felt when the victim leaves are a direct result of abuse. It is a result of brainwashing.

It is NEVER okay to be abused!

http://www.ndvh.org/<---- This is the website for the National Domestic Violence Hotline

Call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)

xoxo

Someone I know recently ended an abusive, destructive relationship. She has been seeing a counselor and has found peace. There is hope. Protect yourself and your future.

QP:Best Cities for Dating

2009-07-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

Salt Lake is #39. Not very good..

http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/27/best-cities-singles-lifestyle-singles-methodology.html

Check out the list. I was suprised we were so low. Sorry I haven't had time to post. I've been in the car for 18+ hours. I'm trying to massage the feeling back into my legs, I'll post more later.

xoxo

Running into an Ex

2009-07-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

SO.. you're sitting in a club (coffee house, mall etc.) all alone, wishing all the guys in the room were an Adonis rather than a two buck chuck. Suddenly, the ex that dumped you enters the room with his new girlfriend. She,of course, is flawless and ravishing. You look like, well, you've been sitting in a club all alone. You pray that they won't see you so you can sneak out unnoticed. You tiptoe across the floor and duck behind the couch, but he sees you. (Of course!) What do you do?

Let me tell you what you may what to do, leave quickly and go home to cry. As you cry, you will picture your ex and that girl laughing and kissing. You'll paint a picture in your mind of them together, happy and adorable. You'll throw the pity party of the year and become 20 percent more bitter towards life.

Can I give my advice? Talk to him. <----You read that right. Fake it till you make it, honey. Put on a smile and go say hi. Shake that girl's hand and introduce yourself. Never let your ex think you are miserable. You are better off without him. It doesn't matter if the breakup was good or bad, act like you are completely content with your life. Laughing and smiling sends endorphins to the brain which makes you happy even if it was fake.

Let me remind you, your ex is not as great as you think he is. 9/10 times we build our exes up in our mind because we are lonely.

xoxo

QP: Laura F.

2009-07-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Hey laura,
I read your blog all the time and I love it. I actually went to high school with you small world. Any ways I wanted to tell you about one of my dates I went on. It was a blind date, we went up to little cottonwood canyon to go on a hike, and me being a girl totally thought it was going to be this huge thing so I totally dress for the hike, hiking shoes and all. Well the other girl who was there was in flip flops and so was the the other two guys,I figured it was not going to be that bad of a hike. Anyways the date goes really well he picks me up at my apartment and then we go to pick up his friends. O and the guy super super cute. Any ways so on the hike we hiked up to these water falls were we had to cross the river, me being not so sturdy on my feet makes it to the water falls but on the way back totally face plant it into the river, it was really funny. I got some pretty sweet scars out of and the best part is that the guy who I was on the date was super sweet and gave me his sweat shirt to wear because obviously mine was socked. And on the rest of the hike down he made sure he was not to far away :) anyways the rest of the date went really well. I was wondering if you have had any clumsy moments were you got injured on a date?

love your blog,
Laura F.

Hey Laura! I do remember you for sure. Didn't we have a class together? I can't think of many injuries that happened on a date. I love outdoor rock climbing and the first time I went was on a date. I was very determined to reach the top of the cliff. I got to a very difficult part and I felt my foot beginning to slip. I lost all control and fell off the rock completely. My date quickly pulled the rope so I wouldn't fall to my death, but I slammed into the cliff in front of me. I wasn't hurt too bad, just humiliated. Don't worry, I climbed to the top after that. :)

I don't have a problem with injuries.The biggest problem I have is putting my foot in my mouth. I have the worst time remembering names especially when I am dating a ton. I was on a first date and everything was going great. I started making fun of the name *Bob and how it reminded me of an old man. I went on and on about the name, saying things like "When someone sees a cute little baby, why do they think of such a dumb name?" After I finished, I noticed my date was upset. He then replied, " I don't know which I should be more mad about, that you forgot my name or made fun of it." Well I felt like an idiot. I quickly apologized and we ended the night early.
*Name has been changed
If you have trouble remembering names like me:

http://ezinearticles.com/?Tips-for-Remembering-Names&id=181805

1. Give your full attention to the introduction. Don't get caught shaking the hand of a new acquaintance with one eye on someone else in the room. Give the person you're meeting your full attention. Make the person feel important by making the introduction important to you.

2. Listen carefully and repeat the name immediately and then a time or two more in the first 60 seconds following the introduction. Verbal repetition helps reinforce a new name in your memory, and gives you the opportunity to rehearse or double-check difficult pronunciations.

3. Think of someone with the same name: A relative, friend, coworker, etc. Associate this person with your new acquaintance.

4. Form an immediate association with the name and the person's outstanding feature or trait. Whether it's flattering or not, the first association you make with a person is the best tool you can use for remembering the name. Hair color, tone of voice, style of clothing or even height are all effective associations.

5. As the conversation continues, continue to occasionally use the person's name. This will test your memory and establish closer ties with an individual. "I couldn't agree with you more, Joe," or "You know, Sue, I heard a funny story about that" are both examples of individualized conversation that sounds friendly and not forced.

6. If you forget a name or didn't hear it the first time, don't fake it…ask by saying something like, "I'm sorry, but please tell me your name again." Most people would prefer to repeat their names rather than correct a wrong guess. Politely asking for a reminder may be awkward, but it will be appreciated. If the name is particularly difficult to retain or pronounce, ask for a spelling.

7. Don't make excuses. No one wants to hear "I'm terrible with names" or "I meet so many people in a day." Excuses like these can make even the most important person feel insignificant in your eyes.

I've had guys forget my name as well and it feels like crap. Once, a boy began pouring out his heart about how much he loved me and then called me his ex's name. (Our names were not even close.) Ouch!

I have entirely changed the subject haven't I? :) In short, yes I have been injured on a date. The End.

xoxo

Marriage Season

2009-07-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

Marriage season is upon us! It's warm outside so love is officially in the air. I am travelling to Canada in just a little bit for my brother's wedding. It seems like I travel all the time but this trip I am excited for. The picture below is the invitation. The bunny signifies my soon-to-be sis and the panda is my big bro. Rightfully so, bunnies are adorable while pandas can be quite lazy. :) My brother is an artist and he designed the picture.
While marriage season may be fun for some, I have noticed single people feel lonely around this time of year. They wonder when it will be their turn to find the person they are supposed to be with. Now listen my fellow singles, here is the best advice you'll ever hear : "You would rather be blissfully single than unhappily married." There will always be hope for single people to find the right one but unhappy marriages need hard work and may even end in a difficult divorce. Bunny may be cute and small but she can still take on Panda. ;)

All of my best friends have already been married or are getting married this year. I was obliged to be the maid of honor for many of those times and often went without a date. (For the record, I only take a steady boyfriend around family or close friends. One of my rules.) Every time I attend a wedding, I get the typical "Are you dating anyone?" or "Why aren't you married yet?" questions. Most singles are no stranger to these questions. Don't let them get to you!

There is not a timeline for love.

xoxo

Some advice my little sister was given for our family trip to Canada:

Don't let Laura eat too much chocolate, they have great chocolate
Don't ever feed the bears
Make sure you end all sentences with "eh" if you want to blend in with the canadians, lest they suspect you are an american.
If you are ever chased by a bear, just outrun Laura and you'll be fine
Bears prefer tourists over residents of Canada

Pretty good advice, eh? It was given to her by a boy I am dating. :) I am going dateless to this wedding as well so I won't have any good stories. Hopefully something funny will happen so I can blog about it. Have a great weekend!

Meeting the In-Laws

2009-07-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

I know I said I was posting about 'Breaking the Rules' but I decided to write about the infamous in-laws instead. I have only met prospective in-laws. Nonetheless, I hate meeting the parents. It is the most nerve racking experience. Oh gosh, I think I just started sweating thinking about it. Personally, I think this is the scariest time in a relationship. The person you're dating will reassure you that "It's no big deal" but don't take things so lightly. You may have to spend most holidays with these people, your kids may be their grand kids, and trust me, their opinion does matter to the person you are dating. Whether or not your boyfriend or girlfriend has a good relationship with their parents, they do want approval. Does anyone like hearing bad things about the person they are with?

Parents either love me or they despise me more than nudist colonies hate mosquitoes. Here are some things I have learned:

Eat whatever food they offer you. I was once offered a bowl of chili by my (ex) boyfriend's mother. I declined because I had just eaten. She never even gave me a chance after that. I know what you're thinking, you assume I must have done something else. Nope, it was because I refused her home cooking. Two years later, she brought it up when I went over for a visit. Privately, She asked my (ex) boyfriend if I was anorexic. I think she may have been Cruella DeVille. She had the white hair and everything.(Good heavens woman, I didn't want any of your dang CHILI! It's chili, not a gourmet meal.) Some people find it rude if you don't sample what they offer you.
Talk. You have a short time to impress these people! Ask questions and engage in all conversations. Granted, some parents are more outgoing and easier to talk to but you have to try your best. Don't be a wall flower.
Don't nag your bf/gf. His mother is present and she is the authority in the room. :) You aren't married yet so she hasn't passed the torch of nagging. If you were fighting beforehand, act like you weren't.
Get the 411 on the In Laws. Ask questions about your bf or gf's parents before you go over. Brown nose a little bit. (Careful here because if you kiss up too much, you'll look fake.) Geniunely be interested in the things they like. If his mom likes gardening, talk about your favorite flower. Ex. I love orchids. They are my favorite. If her mom likes gardening, talk about things you like to do outdoors. Fishing perhaps?
Listen Intently

Be positive. You could end up loving these people. (Or hating them and never eating chili again.)

xoxo

QP: My Mom

2009-07-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

I am in Boise, Idaho and blogging from my hotel. My mom was kind enough to join me on my important trip. We rolled into Boise at almost one in the morning! I felt like I had been hit by a semi truck and my mom was wired from a couple red bulls. Anyway, the minute we entered the lobby, the man at the counter began flirting with my mom. She was having none of it, being married and all while I finding ways to stifle my laughter. (You know thinking of my dead pets and such. Smoky the Hamster R.I.P) He kept finding things to chat with her about and was obviously hitting on her. I was laughing so hard inside. It was dificult to contain my laughter because I was extra giggly from lack of sleep. Maybe my mom should take over this blog. I can see it now, "Adventures in Dating. By a Cougar who is married." I better go before she sees me writing about her. I gave her the hardest time about it last night. :)
xoxo

My Rules: #9

2009-07-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

#9:End the Night Early

Leaving a little mystery is a great thing when it comes to dating. I always go home early on a first date. Staying too late on a great date may lead to hooking up. (Remember how I said "No one will buy the cow if the milk comes for free"?) Don't extend the date past what has been planned.

**Disclaimer** Rules are sometimes meant to be broken. My next post is about "Breaking the Rules". So what is the point of having rules? It's a good idea to make a list of what you've seen work on a date and what doesn't work. Then set rules of what you will and won't do. The above rule is a part of my personal set of rules. If you missed Rule #10, search for it in the google search engine to the right of this post. I'm off to Boise this weekend! Happy Dating everyone!

xoxo

Quintuplex: 5 Biggest 1st Date Turnoffs

2009-07-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

I love reading articles that are written by men. So women, avoid these 5 things like the plague.

Dating 101: The Five Biggest First-Date Turnoffs
By relationship blogger Married Jake for Glamour

Everyone reads too much into things at the beginning of a relationship. Even the dude who pretends he couldn't be more casual. It's natural -- we're trying to mind-read our dates, gauge intentions, figure out if our new flame would rather be doing her nails than listening to our college stories during a nice night out on the town. So you have to be careful with us guys -- even though we pretend not to be so sensitive -- and realize what signal you're sending.
Here are five that say: I really really like you... for anyone else but me.

1. The Coffee Invite
"Let's totally have coffee at 2:15 on Wednesday!" Coffee? On a weekday? At such a precise time? That's when you meet your friend's little sister who wants to ask you for career advice.

2. The Group Invite
"Me and a bunch of my friends are going to be at XX bar, why don't you stop by?" When we hear that you're bringing your friends along, we assume you don't want to be alone with us.

I hate the Group Invite. The second I hear the word "hangout", my attention span hits zero. I am not trying to be your buddy and hang out all the time. I wanna be the mother of your future children! Is that so hard to understand? ;) jk

3. The Inappropriate Attire
"I just came from the gym." It's no problem if you don't dress like you're on your way to accept the academy award for best actress, but if you're wearing sweatpants, we're assuming you don't want us to think about you in any sensual way.

4. The Excuse Caused by Your Insecurity
"I'm soooooo tired." This is the absolute worst. I've had women say that to me when they've actually been interested and later admit that they were just worried that they seemed boring and were making an excuse. But what we hear is: I'm laying the groundwork to go home as soon as possible.

5. The Outpouring About Your Ex
"I'm just getting out of a really intense relationship." We don't care if this is true, and we know that even people just emerging from coupledom can get involved with new people. But we don't want to spend our first moments alone together hearing about how intense your old relationship was. Not the mental picture that makes us giddy.

Basically, this is Dating 101 as stated by "Married Jake". These are things you should already know! It's always a good thing to refresh your memory about the basics. Here is a list of my turnoffs in a relationship, also known as the Quintuplex. The Quintuplex is a phrase I use for the 5 deadly sins that pretty much end a relationship or date for me.(If you haven't noticed, I make up a lot of my own words. ha ha i.e The Multiplier) The guy becomes a 'Quin' if he is all of these things:

5. Self Absorbed. Keep talking about yourself honey. Someone has to.This is such a turn off. There is a definite line between confident and cocky. Confidence is sexy. Cockiness makes you look immature and well.. self absorbed.

4. Jealous. I can not handle insecurity. Jealousy shows an insecurity in the relationship and possibly trust issues.

3. Clingy. I am a very independent girl so I feel clastrophobic when a guy is clingy. I believe in "guy nights" and think every relationship needs a breather once in a while.

2. Needy. "Do you really love me? How are you sure?" Once again, insecurity is such a deadly sin for me. Love cannot be proved by words alone.

1. Carrys Baggage. I don't mean luggage, I mean "My ex is such a...!" baggage. I can't stand the ex girlfriend drama. I also hate when I am compared to an ex. Even if he means it positively! Let's focus on our relationship.

The above turnoffs are useful for men as well. I think Jake's examples are quite universal in the dating world.

Sorry I have been so busy lately! I work very early in the morning during the summer. Morning posts? Fugetaboutit! I try my best to write directly after work so my creativity is usually very low. I've been getting some good emails as of late, but I want hear more dating stories from you. Sad, Happy, Funny.. whatever just give me something to work with. Write anonymously if you must!

xoxo

P.S. While in New York, I tried to cook on a date. I can cook but I stupidly decided to try something new. By the end, there was honey and soy sauce everywhere. My outfit was covered in mostly honey and my hair was covered in mostly soy sauce. (Don't ask, I had a rough day.) He and his roommates came home to the apartment and the first word out of one of the boy's mouths was "Oh my gosh! What smells so awful?" Then they all turned the corner to see me on the floor pouting. :) The guy I'm dating steps onto the kitchen floor and his flip flop sticks to it. He started to laugh and so did everyone else. Dates that start out terribly can turn out well! (Don't worry, we threw out my nasty food and went for buffalo wings. Why not? I was already sticky.) Happy Dating!

Shout Out #9

2009-07-05T16:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, I still do Shout Outs. :)

'yin yang ' said...
ohhh, i say call mama's boy! so you'll have something to blog about. =Pthe doc is too far, long distance is very hard; if you don't have the courage and beliefe in that person, it's not worth it. beside, he might have handed out 3 or 4 of his card to other grumpy messy chic. PDA, i don't mind, as long as it's parental appropiate; like kiss on the lips and a hug, you know disney stuff.
*sorry, always on my a/c when reading.

Well said. Keep it 'G' rated.

Heidi said...
Ummm... when a mom is trying to set her son up, it probably isn't a good idea. As for the doctor, heck ya!

Ha ha! You are hilarious, Heidi! What if this "Doctor" is a serial killer? Clean cut like Ted Bundy!

http://www.datinggoddess.com/ said...
Thanks so much for recommending my Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 series of 13 books and my blog http://www.DatingGoddess.com. I appreciate it!

Dating Goddess

You're welcome!I was only giving credit where credit is due. Keep up the good work!

britt89 said...
Its fun to hear more about you! And I am from good old Salt lake!! :)

Heidi said...
I love this Guru! I am a Cali girl!

wendy20 said...
I also live in Utah! I would love for you to host some kind of dating activity! I would totally come!

I guess everyone else is nervous about posting where they're from? :) I am working on hosting something. It takes a lot of work and time, so as soon as my schedule gets easier I'll work on it!!

Thanks to yin yang, Heidi x2, The Dating Goddess, Britt89, and Wendy20.

xoxo

P.S If you wanna know more about "The Gu", post a question in your comment or keep emailing me!!

A Little Background on "The Guru"

2009-07-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, the battery on my computer just saw its last day. It has been laid to rest in the local landfill. I bought a new battery today, which left me with 100 dollars less in my pocket and more anger in my heart for Best Buy. More optimistically, I can blog again and check my email.

I have been flooded with emails asking about me. Some were a little rude but others seemed just plain curious. So here is a short list answering some of those curious questions.

What makes you a Guru?

Umm.. I dunno. What makes you such a jerk? Ha ha just kidding.
Noun
1. guru - a Hindu or Buddhist religious leader and spiritual teacher
religious leader - leader of a religious order
2. Guru - each of the first ten leaders of the Sikh religion
Sikhism - the doctrines of a monotheistic religion founded in northern India in the 16th century by Guru Nanak and combining elements of Hinduism and Islam
religious leader - leader of a religious order
3. guru - a recognized leader in some field or of some movement; "a guru of genomics"
leader - a person who rules or guides or inspires others
noun 1. authority, expert, leader, master, pundit, arbiter, Svengali, torchbearer, fundi S. African
2. teacher, mentor, sage, master, tutor, mahatma, guiding light, swami, maharishi

That is the definition of a Guru. I want to guide and inspire you to have great relationships. Sometimes I choose to do that by talking about my misfortunes. :)

What makes you qualified to write this blog?

Absolutely nothing. Blogger is free. :) I am majoring in psychology and I want to be a therapist for couples after obtaining my masters degree. Am I perfect? No. Do I always give sound advice? No. I haven't finished school yet but I am working on it. I'm 21, give me a break. I want to be a therapist because I can relate to many experiences. I've seen the good,bad, and ugly. I want to help people be optimisic through every situation that arises.

How old are you?

I will be 22 on Aug. 20.

Stats?

Ha ha My email has become a cheesy chat room! 5'5,107 lbs, Female.. ;)

Where do you live?

Utah. But I lived in Naperville, Chicago and St. Johns Wood, England for some time.

Are you dating someone?

I'll answer this with a question. Are you reading the blog???

Any more questions??

xoxo

P.S. Now I have a question.. Where are you from?

A Brief Timeline on Dating: The Transitions

2009-06-29T17:14:00.000-07:00

**I realized how chaotic this post was this morning. The grammar is so awful. :) This month has been a very busy one! My stress level is at a 10! Make that an 11.. Thanks for reading, even with all the chaos about! Happy Dating!**

I have formulated a theory that explains the timeline of dating. Pre-Highschool, Highschool, and Adult (Post-Highschool). I like to break Adult Dating into 4 subcategories. The subcategories are young adult/college,thirty-somethings, middle-age, and senior.

Pre-Highschool: hmmm.. does this really even count? My 2nd grade boyfriend's name was James. He took me to see Swan Princess and I broke up with him the next day. I was voted "Biggest Flirt" in junior high and I didn't care to settle down anytime soon. Pre-Highschool Dating seems very early to begin, but approximately 1/2 of kids in the U.S are doing just that.

Jennifer Connolly, PhD, Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Research on Violence and Conflict Resolution at York University says(in regards to junior high dating), "Parents should take an active role in teaching and helping their kids understand what normal dating behaviours are."

Parenting advice isn't applicable to most of us (if not all), so I'll get to my point. Pre-Highschool Dating begins to shape the way we will date in the future.

Highschool: Oh boy. Here we go. Where do I begin? Highschool was, hands down, the most melodramatic time in my life. My biggest fear was getting bad grades and getting kicked off the cheer squad. (Don't stereotype me. Cheerleading is a sport! *chuckle*) Needless to say, I was not focused nor goal oriented. Highschool Dating is much easier than Adult Dating. There is no pressure for marriage or *serious commitment. (*Maybe if are a senior in high school or pregnant.) I was content as long as I had a date for prom and my grades were good. Dating in High school was just practice for the future.

Adult Dating: The transition to Adult Dating hit me like a rock. Realizing that I could legally marry any of the people I was dating, scared me to pieces. It was time for me to grow up and enter the real world.

People many times change their ideals concerning a relationship during this transition. The highschool football star goes from dating the beauty queen to dating the Martha Stewart type. She isn't particularly good looking but she would make a fantastic wife. The highschool cheerleader wants to expand her horizons and get her masters in psychology. (Me!) Not everyone changes after highschool, some people live in "highschool" their whole lives. They want to relive the "glory days." Typically, during this transition other qualities become a priority. These are the qualities that the person wants in a spouse. Looks fade with time so we search for something deeper. **Exceptions always occur, noncommital and shallow people will always coexist with us. Luckily, karma happens and the shallow people go bald or get fat. :) They receive a nice dose of humble pie. **Disclaimer: there is nothing wrong with being bald or fat.
Attraction is a key factor, as I've said many times. You HAVE to be physically attracted to the person you choose to date. As we enter the Adult Dating realm, we find that there are other key factors that are important to us. Have you felt a transition? Or are you still reliving the "glory days"?

Subcategories:

Young Adult/College-I find college dating to be fairly easy. There are hundreds of people on campus and activities are going on every week. You just have to get out there and go to events. If you aren't attending college, join a club at a local rec center or even at the campus to get involved. Find music festivals or art shows to attend. Anyone who complains there is nothing to do, is lazy. You're young! Don't sit around wishing you had something to do. There is always someone new to meet and somewhere new to go.

Thirty-somethings- I can't get valuable advice in this area. I'm 21. I can only offer promising links. http://www.soulkadee.com/2006/12/04/dating-after-30-smoother-smarter-sexier/ and http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/246307/the_perils_of_dating_in_your_30s_and.html

Middle aged- More links: http://www.singlescene.net/Midlife_dating.html ,http://psych-net-relationships.blogspot.com/2007/12/dos-donts-of-middle-aged-dating.html, and http://www.datinggoddess.com/. I really recommend the Dating Goddess. She has written a book on dating after 40.

Senior- I know this is a weird subject but have you ever seen 'The Golden Girls'? 'Nuff said. Older people need love and companionship too. Links: http://www.forbeginners.info/dating/senior-dating.htm and http://seniorliving.about.com/od/firstdateadvice/Senior_Dating_Are_You_Dating_Again.htm.

I would love to hear your thoughts on my theory. The theory is not perfected and is very much a "rough draft" in my mind. Tell me what differences you've seen as you've matured and grow older.

Anyway, I dedicate this post to my 2nd grade boyfriend, James Huntington. Thanks for the memories buddy. I will never watch Swan Princess without thinking of you.

xoxo

My "Kinda" Girlfriend and Playing for Keeps

2009-06-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine called me the other day with a funny question. "Laura, what does is mean when a guy says he "kinda" has a girlfriend?" she asked. The word kinda is obviously slang, so there is no clear definition. It means sort of and is a very unclear or unsure answer. I kinda want to run a marathon. Kinda does not mean I will and believe me, I don't think my fragile, little body could take it. I'd look like skeltor or Mr. Burns before I even reached the finish line. Just sayin.
There is a visual for you. ha ha ;) Anyway, no one has a kinda girlfriend and no one is kinda dating someone. Fact is, they may be dating someone but it isn't serious just yet. If is was, the word kinda would not be used. Basically, they don't want to date you anymore. "Kinda girlfriend" is a lame excuse to cut things off with you or tell you they aren't interested. They may be more interested in someone else they are dating or they just don't like you. Tough pill to swallow but it happens to the best of us. I made a play for an guy once and he informed me he kinda was seeing someone. Better luck next time Laura...
This picture above makes me laugh so much. I imagine the mad little girl thinking, "I wish you both were dead." Someone could only be that mad if they had just been dumped by that little boy, then turned to see him with his new bimbo. Maybe, she was his "kinda girlfriend.
Do you guys remember the game POGS? I bought pogs all the time. I would always buy the crappiest ones at the dollar store. There were two ways to play Pogs, for kicks and for keeps. (If you remember the game, you understand. Pog Players Represent!) Well, in your dating life, are you playing just for kicks or playing for keeps? Playing for kicks means that you just wanna have fun with no commitment. Playing for keeps means you are searching for a committed relationship.

When we play for kicks, there is a lower chance for hurt. There is an understanding that the relationship will not progress. You are strictly "having a good time." (Both parties may not know this.) Playing for keeps is where you put your heart on the line.Yeah, putting your heart out leaves you vulnerable. Often times, we become so scared that we guard our heart and just play for kicks. Be careful with your heart and take care of it, but don't be afraid of giving it to someone.

Sometimes the heart is smashed so much, we refuse to open up to anyone again. This makes it harder to find an honest relationship. A wall is built around the heart, making that person look bitter and unlovable. Protect your heart but nourish it as well. Just like in Pogs, playing for keeps is scary because you could lose your favorite pog. Then again, you could win one of those really thick, sparkly pogs. (Here's the wiki if you weren't a pog player: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogs)

Kicks or Keeps?

xoxo

At the Airport: Getting Hit On and PDAs

2009-06-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

I had a 3 hour layover in Atlanta, Georgia. The second I stepped off the plane, my hair went curly, my face was soaking wet and my shirt clung to me like a baby koala. I had just landed from a 4 hour flight. I was grumpy and starving, looking quite a mess. I grabbed a seat at TGI Friday's. I set my head down on my table and closed my eyes just for a second. Then I heard, "Hiya Honey. What can I git fur ya?" My waitress had the thickest southern accent in the world. I ordered some food and a much needed drink.

About 5 minutes later, a well dressed man strides over to where I was seating. He seemed to be in his early to mid 30s. We didn't talk long, but in the short time we talked he mentioned he was a doctor and lived in San Diego. He slid his card on the table and said slying, "Call me if you want a tour of California." Some "trophy wife" kind of women would love a moment like that. I don't really fall for the bells and whistles, especially when I am soaked in my own sweat. Secondly, being a doctor is not a reason that I want to date someone.

I finally made it in to New York and I was exhausted. The trip was perfect and very relaxing, then monday came. It was time to fly back to Salt Lake and I felt like crying. I do not enjoy flying. I just sounded like Dr. Suess. I do not like them, Sam I am.

I boarded a very small plane headed to Ohio. I sat next to a very kind woman who proceeded to chat with me the entire flight. Which was great! She was lovely to talk to and very intelligent. The flight went by very fast. Right before I exited the plane, she slipped me a piece of paper. It was her son's telephone number. How awkward would that be if I called him? Ring. Ring. "Hello?"
"Hello. You don't know me, but your mom gave me your number on an airplane. How are you?My name is Laura."
Awkward. :)

I got home at 11 last night and I felt like kissing the ground. I was so elated to be home and sleep in my own bed.(Best feeling in the world.) While I was waiting impatiently for my bag, I saw a young couple making out by the baggage claim. Not just a little kiss, completely making out. I hate that kind of PDA. (Public Display of Affection) You know your PDA is OTT (over-the-top) when people cringe when they see it. If someone says "Aww, they are so cute..", your level of PDA is A OK. Don't kiss so dramatically that it is cringeworthy. Please, for the sake of everyones eyes.

Anyway, here's my question for the post. Would you call Mr. "Doctor"? Would you call Mommas Boy? I'm not that adventurous, but I wonder if any of you are. Do you think PDA is A OK?

SO GLAD TO BE HOME!!
xoxo

Dilemma(s) of the Day

2009-06-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

After dating my ex for about 2 years on/off I visited his parent's home where he grew up. He showed me to his bedroom and outside his door, in this sort of waiting room type area, there was a tall shelf that went up to the ceiling. This shelf was jam packed with Winnie the Pooh bears in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There were Winnie the Pooh picture frames and other paraphernalia as well. The entire wall space was beaming bright sunny yellow. I was speechless when I saw it. There must have been about 150 bears. I stood there with my mouth open for about 2 minutes as he watched me try to collect myself from the most ridiculous weirdo sight of my life. Why did a grown man of 25 have such a display?? WHY!??! -Circe

This dilemma is just so funny. I guess you don't like Winnie the Pooh. Maybe Tigger is more your style. You know what I think is a little strange? You've dated the guy for 2 years and never heard about his "collection". So he has an unusual fascination with Winnie the Pooh, what 25 year old doesn't? ;) ha ha Run Circe, Run as far away from The Hundred Acre Wood as you can. A crazed Winnie the Pooh fan is waiting to meet this boyfriend of yours and they will be very happy together.

I once dated a crazy cat girl who insisted on making her cat say hello to me over the phone. Having a girl basically shout into the phone "Say hi to casper, come say hi" now that just makes no sense to me-Casper13

Hmmm.. the term crazy cat lady comes to mind. You know what, some people just love their pets. It may border obsessive behavior but she isn't hurting anyone by loving her cat. I'd rather be dating someone who loved animals too much, than someone who has a deep hatred for something.

Anyway, sorry this post is short. I need to pack!!

xoxo

The Disengagement: Getting engaged

2009-06-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

So, as I mentioned earlier, I have been engaged. I had a wedding dress, ring, and reception place. I wore the ring for a total of three days before removing it forever. I pulled it off in a fit of rage and held it out in front of me, forcing my ex fiancee to take it. Was I being immature? Completely, but I didn't realize until a month after that I had just made a very good decision. I was enthralled in a fatuous relationship. "Whirlwind" relationship? More like a tornado ripping through every logical, rational thought in its path. He made me laugh more than anyone ever has. He was like my best friend in the entire world and I felt happier than I had been in a long time.

We dated for a short time and then we began to drop the M bomb. Marriage. My mind told me I was not ready for such a big step in such a short time, my heart told me otherwise. I ignored my mind and continued on with my tornado relationship. It felt as though I was running, full speed into the dark without any light to guide me. Now comes the point where I hit the brick wall, we had our first fight. Let me tell you, the fight was a doozy.

He yelled and so did I. He wouldn't say sorry, neither would I. He thought he was right, I knew I was right. Basically, our egos were doing all the talking. That night, I quietly drove home and let my mind chime in for once. That night, I realized I was following the wrong path but I was too scared to hurt him. I was scared to lose my best friend and be all alone.

He proposed a week later. I walked into an empty room with our song playing, a single rose lay on a table with an open ring box beside it. I tiptoed across the wood floor to look inside the box. There was nothing inside. I turned to watch him bend down on one knee and confess his love for me. He held the most perfect, beautiful ring I had ever seen. Here's the part where I cried, "Yes!" and took the ring.

As I'm typing, I feel bad that this special moment has become the latest blog entry. I feel bad because he may read this, and be upset. I sincerely hope with all my heart that he isn't upset because we were best friends and he will find someone better.(Possibly already has. I wouldn't know.) We were/are both very young and made a decision strictly based on our fatuous feelings with no outlook on the future.

Anyway, we had an even bigger fight later where I took off the ring. We tried to make it work for a couple months after that but there was too much hurt. A wedge had been driven between us that couldn't be removed. So now you know why they call me "The Guru who knows exactly what not to do." I made a very immature,quick decision. With almost half of marriages ending in divorce, you'd THINK I'd be a little smarter.

Our generation is referred to as Generation "Ex". Divorce rates are so high because people take marriage very lightly. Look at me, I'm 21 and already disengaged. ha ha I was one of those people. :) Hello, my name is Laura. I am disengaged and I have taken marriage lightly. (Crowd: Hello Laura.) Welcome to the URA. Unsuccessful Relationships Anonymous.

Well guys, that's it for storytime today. If you have any questions about broken engagements, leave me a question in your comment. I will search across the land to find the answer. If you are curious about my personal disengagement, (remember curiousity killed the cat, nosy person! j/k) leave a question. :) I am more than willling to talk about it. My advice is, as usual, follow your instinct whatever the decision is. Take things slow even if you don't want to!

xoxo

P.S. I'm off to New York this weekend. Hopefully, I can get give shout out from NY.

QP: Spammer

2009-06-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Check this out:

Date:
mercredi 10 juin 2009
Heure:

2h 00 - 3h 00 (GMT+00:00)
Rue:

Dearest,

Kind regards, I am joy, tall, slim, fair and a very good looking girl that loves travelling and dancing, a student, that loves to be loved, kindly permit my contacting you through this medium ,I am compelled to contact you via this medium for obvious reasons which you will understand when we discuss details of my proposition. Pls I will like you to reply to me through my mail address (joy_mbogo2@yahoo.com) so that we will know each other very well, I am looking forward to your positive confirmation to enable us have an important discussion the we will start from there which will include my introduction, I will send my pics later.Thanks and God bless.

Viendrez-vous ?

I get tons of weird emails but this one leaves me speechless. Definitely spam. I just picture some creepo reading this spam,seeing the words "details of my proposition" and emailing this Joy chick as quickly as they can. It's even in francais! That is tres sexy, no? All I know is, I turned on the virus scanner about 3 seconds after I read "Dearest". Maybe I was just offended she didn't use my name. Oh great, my comp just found a trojan. You loved me and left me Joy Mbogo. You had my hopes so high for us. I thought you wanted to "know each other very well" and you said you "loved to be loved"! You lied to me. It's over.

I deserve a daytime emmy for that performance. Don't be fooled by spammers.

xoxo

The Race Factor: Are you kidding me?

2009-06-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24298/dating-101-dealing-with-the-race-factor;_ylc=X3oDMTNuNXVtc2NsBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjE0MjI3MzMxNARrA0RlYWxpbmcgV2l0aCB0aGUgUmFjZSBGYWN0b3IEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNkYXRpbmctMTAxLWRlYWxpbmctd2l0aC10aGUtcmFjZS1mYWN0b3IEenoDYWJj

So..my browser opens up to Yahoo and the above site was listed. I threw up a little. It makes me sick that "The Race Factor"is still an issue! We've seen progress in some aspects, we now have President Obama and Sonia Sotomayor. Then I see this article and I wonder what is wrong with this nation. Oh, what a world! What a world! (Wizard of Oz is a classic btw.)I don't care what race a person is when it comes to dating. I can't believe I even have to blog about this. I was so upset to see this on Yahoo, you don't even know.

I was fortunate enough to live in London, England for about 5 months. I wasn't studying, just working and living there. While many english stereotypes are true, such as snobby or bad teeth, I was rather impressed by the Londoners. London is the ultimate melting pot of many cultures. I didn't feel there was as much racism as here in the states. Granted, I was only there for a short time, but I feel like everyone was treated equally in London. (*Some Londoners hate Americans but only because they feel we are too proud.ha ha)

I know this post may seem useless, like I am trying to put the world on my shoulders. Maybe I am! I just wonder when people will learn. Maybe if everyone mixed races we would end racism. If all our children were mixed, they would be hypocritical in they were racist. :)

Fact is, this world is full of simple minded racists. Those people are so ignorant, it kills me. Some of the most wonderful people I know are a complete different race than I am. I would be limiting myself incredibly if I discriminated against them because of their culture or race.

I did my research and found this website-----> http://www.apa.org/monitor/sep95/race.html. It talks about mixed-race relationships. Below are the excerpts I found interesting (all bolded):

"In Asian-American female-white male couples, people assume the husband is the dominant partner and the wife is compliant and docile, Kitano said."

My sister-in-law is Chinese and believe me, she wears the pants. :)

"The fact is that individuals in interracial couples are attracted to each other for the same reasons that individuals in same-race couples are,' Root said. 'They consistently state that they get married because they like and love each other."

"Historically, black families are more accepting of mixed marriages than white families, Hall said."

"In Asian families, newly immigrated parents are often more opposed to cross-cultural marriage than parents who have been in the country longer. They may cut ties with children who marry someone from a different culture, said Diane Fujino, PhD, a researcher and professor at the University of California-Santa Barbara, who conducted a study on Asian cross-cultural relationships in 1992."

Families also argue that interracial couples are selfish for getting married because their children will have identity problems. Research indicates that interracial children are no less well-adjusted than other children of color, even though they face regular adolescent crises as well as racism.

"Families also argue that interracial couples are selfish for getting married because their children will have identity problems. Research indicates that interracial children are no less well-adjusted than other children of color, even though they face regular adolescent crises as well as racism."

So pretty much the stereotypes about mixed-race dating are just that, stereotypes. They are untrue and it has been proven by study after study. It's sad that anyone has to deal with any kind of racism especially when it deals with their partner, whom they adore.

This post is a hot topic, so let me know exactly what you think. Plug your name in as anonymous if you have a differing opinion. How do you feel about mixed-race dating?

xoxo

P.s. *I went on a date with a dumb "bloke" in england who said, "I don't usually date americans, but I am willing to make an exception for you." (That's when I handed him the award for WORST OPENING LINE ON A DATE.) Seriously though, worst opening line ever. Puts caramel apple guy to shame. Imagine what he said with a thick british accent. His hand was on his chest and his eyes were lifted upward. (Meanwhile, I was choking on my spaghetti cabonara wondering if what was happening was a dream.)

While we're speaking of London, I'll give you a little heads up if you vacation there.The word PANTS means underwear. Never say I'm looking for a nice pair of pants or they will guide you to Victoria's Secret. The word FANNY PACK is the english word for a certain female bodypart. A very crude word for it, too. Yes, I've made both mistakes. Happy Dating Adventures!

Dead Ends

2009-06-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life you reach a Relationship Dead End. Picture a fork in the road. You have two paths that you can choose. Have you ever been faced with a difficult decision regarding two potential partners? Maybe you love them both and you just don't know who to choose.

Personally, I have been faced with this decision. You care about 2 people equally so you weigh the pros and cons then you choose. I was involved in such a decision this morning. Although, I was one of the choices. This boy and I have been dating since Feb. He had also been dating someone else for the exact same time. Long story short, he chose the other girl. I had just reached my Relationship Dead End.

So what to do when this happens? My relationship has ended while his relationship will continue to grow and flourish. Believe it or not, dead ends are great. They are very helpful in finding the perfect relationship. I am dating more than one person at the moment so hitting a dead end will help guide me to the correct path. Instead of walking aimlessly along your chosen path wondering if the the other path was right, you know for sure the opposite path was the wrong one.

Granted it hurts when anyone chooses someone instead of you, but you've got to stay optimistic in the dating world. It's like knocking barrels down at a Carnival 8 down, 2 to go! Then finally, you're down to the last pin and well.. you knock that one down too. Ha ha So clearly, my analogy makes no sense! What I'm trying to say is, don't be discouraged when you hit a dead end. You just have to walk a little way back and get on the right path!

I feel like I am such a downer sometimes. It seems like I have horrible relationships right? Wrong. I have been dating someone who is the most thoughtful person in the world. On our first date, I wanted a glow in the dark ring from the prize bin. Even though it was difficult, he got it for me. As a tradition, he brought me a piece of jewelry on all our dates after that. The last piece of jewelry he gave me was a bracelet from the Marshall Islands. It was given to him by a native there. This native told him to give it to the most beautiful girl he knew. (Let the AAAAWW's ensue.)

Anyway, Dating is practice for marriage. Practice doesn't always make perfect but it's a good start. Be optimistic when dating, you can find the right person for you. Keyword being RIGHT. I'll get off my soapbox now.

xoxo

Shout Out #8

2009-06-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! Long time no shout out! Fyi, speed dating was cancelled yet again. They need more women to sign up. So come on girls! Sign up and come speed dating with me. There were 12 men signed up and 1 girl. Guess who the girl was? You guessed it, yours truly!!

As you all know, I am a bit of a dateaholic. I'm sure you're all dying to know my personal dating situation. Well, here's the problem, a guy I am currently dating is an avid reader of this blog. So I don't want to offend anyone or make them feel like a guinea pig. Like you, I want to find a good relationship so blogging about it may ruin that. But I must also stay true to the blog! Maybe you'll see a more personal blog in the future. :)

Anyway, let's jump to shout outs:

Kelly Anne said...
Oh my gosh! I know how that feels. I think all cheating is terrible but when you commit to someone and make vows with them and they they cheat on you, you feel like crap! I am just barely starting to feel a tiny bit better and it has been 2 years. I have lost faith in all men! I need to do a billboard. Nobody should get away from cheating!

Cheating is horrible. No apology can take away the endless hurt cheating causes. Don't lose faith in men. You are a gorgeous girl and I guarantee you can easily find a good guy to treat you right. You'll need to start slow so you can learn to trust again. It's like getting into the pool, just dip your toe in first. My step-aunt (I guess that's what I can call her) had a terrible relationship with her first husband and now she has been happily married for 11 years. It isn't your fault that your ex has no moral conscience or standards. Be thankful you don't have someone like that in your life. You're way too pretty to settle for that kind of loser.

matt23 said...
I was in a relationship for a year and a half and I thought everything was great! I thought anyways until the girl cheated on me. Being cheated on definitely blows!

I love hearing from the male perspective. It helps break the stereotype that only men cheat. Women can be creeps too.

Tiffany said...
LOL! I would have paid you 100 dollars if you actually took a bite of that apple! Reading over those types of love I would say personally the most common love is the fatuous love. I have experienced that kind a lot!

Ha ha! It wouldn't be worth a 100 dollars if I was given some sort of disease!

yin yang ' said...
haha. how funny you brought that up. i was waiting to board the flight on wed. night back to van, and this guy took the seat next to me. he commented the people traffic in the airport and he said there's a very pleasant smell in the air, then turn and sniffle my shoulder. ... ergh, i looked at him and said must be some intruder to take one's personal space. i greeted him nicely and walked to my gate. i'm not even sure if he's trying to hit on me or what, but that's the more eerie opening i've encountered. =P

I wouldn't mind that if the guy was cute! A cute guy can smell my perfume anytime he'd like. ha ha just kidding! That must have been very awkward for you though! You have a wedding ring on. Maybe he had a great sense of smell but very bad eyesight.

Anonymous said...

this is out of the blue, and totally random, but i need some advice. the guy i had a major crush on asked me out a few months ago, and i didn't say yes. i really don't know why, but i just didn't feel like it would be the right thing to do. so i said no, and he decided that he didn't like me anymore. he's the kind of guy that doesn't like to be assertive about things, and so he didn't tell me that. i just kinda figured it out for myself. he made it pretty obvious. he just stopped talking to me, and everytime i came over to talk to the people around him, he would get up and leave. i am totally over him, and i don't like him anymore, but saying no to him made me lose a lot of friends. i don't get it. i lost friends because i chose to stick to my standards, and my best friend got mad at me for it. she won't talk to me, and i feel like i did something wrong. i still feel like i did the right thing, but i feel like i did the wrong thing at the same time. i was just wondering if you had any advice on how to make my friend realize that i did the right thing.

Well, I had to read over this comment several times to understand what went down. Honestly, I am still very confused. Good job for sticking to your standards. If you don't like someone than you don't have to go out with the person. Your friends sound beyond immature. No friend of mine would stop talking to me for such an idiotic reason. Friends are supposed to stick by your side regardless of the people you date. You did do the right thing but you can never MAKE someone realize they were wrong and you were right. You can't force people to see things the same way as you. If it were my best friend, I would explain how I feel about the situation and why I made the choice then see how she reacts. If she decided not to be my friend over something like that, I would say sayonara. Then I would find some quality friends.

Chauncey said...
Laura, quick question, I am dating this girl and we've been dating for a while. I like her alot and would love a relationship with her but she needs a bit more convincing:( What do you suggest I do to show this girl I am not like the other guys (if you can call them that) she has dated in the past?

Well, I guess I need to know more about your girl. Has she been hurt a lot or maybe been told many of the same things by every guy? Trust=Time. Just show her everyday that you aren't like the others. You may even talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel.

wendy20 said...
This may sound kind of dumb, but my #1 thing is religious beliefs. It is so important to share the same values with the person you are dating!

That doesn't sound dumb at all. :) Conflicting religions are a strain on any relationship. This gave me an idea for a post!

Thanks to Kelly Anne, Matt23, Tiffany, yin yang, Anon, Chauncey, and wendy20!

xoxo

P.S. This ones for the ladies.. This has nothing to do with dating btw. I found this awesome place to get headbands. So cute! I wore one last night and lots of people were asking where I got my headband. So for those of you who asked and those who didn't here is the website----> http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6870884

Love #1: Romanticism and Sternberg

2009-06-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

I love this vid----->www.youtube.com/watch?v=yETx9H-Yrqk. If only love was as simple as "hugs and kisses and a warm feeling inside." In fact, love is so complex that I will have to do many posts about it.

So the blog has been inconsistent lately, have you noticed? Mostly filled with random posts and thoughts. This Tues there was no post at all! Most of my recent posts will have sequels. For example, My Rules, The R Chronicles, and now Love. I feel like my mind is everywhere at once and I want to discuss too many things. I have been slacking on shout outs but I will get one up soon. Anyway, let's get to the post.

Being "in love" is amazing. You feel like nothing in the world can go wrong. In sociology, we like to refer to this as Romanticism. Here are some examples:

Love conquers all.
For each person there is "one and only one" romantic match.
Our partner should and will meet our every idea.
Love can and often most powerfully does strike "at first sight.
We should follow the heart and not the mind when choosing a partner.

Look over these 5 sentences one more time. Did you do it? Good. Now erase them from your memory and NEVER think any of those things again. The examples above are false in every sense of the word. If you believe any of those things, you do not have a realistic outlook on love.

Robert Sternberg has a fantastic theory about love. There are 8 types of love:

Liking (intimacy only) Ex. Close friends
Romantic love (intimacy and passion) Commitment may develop in a later stage. Ex. A friendship that intensifies with passion. You realize you have feelings for your best friend.
Infatuation (passion only) Purely physical.
Fatuous love (passion and commitment) Ex. A "whirlwind" relationship. Everything happens so quickly. There isn't time to find intimate moments together. Intimate moments are necessary to feel close to your partner.
Empty love (commitment only) Ex. Arranged marriages or couples who are unhappily married.
Companionate love (intimacy and commitment) A relationship without passion may lead to infidelity.
Consummate love (intimacy,passion and commitment) This is the relationship we are striving for.
Nonlove (not labeled above. lack of all three components) Fulfillment of selfish needs such as money or fear of being alone.

Intimacy refers to the feelings of closeness and bonding. Passion refers to romance, attraction, and sexuality. Commitment means that you are committed to maintaining your love. Maintaining is the key word here, all love takes effort and time.

Wanna wiki this theory? Here's the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love

This all may seem confusing especially because I have condensed a long theory into a short post. Think back to your past relationships, which kind of love have you experienced?

xoxo

P.s. Random Story: I went to the mall today and was hit on by the manager at a clothing store. He ran over to me and asked, "Do you want a bite of my caramel apple?" Strangest pick up line ever. I don't know where his mouth has been! I think he was trying to be sexy but I took one look at his half eaten apple and threw up a little in my mouth. ;) He seemed like a nice guy but his presentation was a major fail. What is the weirdest line that has been used on you?

The R Chronicles: Area 51

2009-05-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

Okay so I know it's not a Tues or a Thurs, but I have finally uploaded The R Chronicles. The video below explains the entirety of his adventure so far.

Reagan struck out at Area 51, where should he go next?

The Mall
Studio 600 for country dancing
Grocery Store
Coffee Shop/Diner

xoxo

P.s. I am going to do a shout out on Tues since I am posting today.

QP: Problems

2009-05-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

What up Dating Crew? Sorry I haven't posted :( Uploading videos isn't going too well. I'll try my best to get the vids up by tonight. I am working on it. I had to work early this morning and now I have a wedding to go to. I will get a post up asap!

Hugs and Kisses,

Infidelity: No Good, Dirty, Rotten...CHEAT

2009-05-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Fact: It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.

Fact: Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.

Fact: I have been cheated on.

Sure, I wasn't married which does make a huge difference. I may not know how intense the pain is to realize your husband is cheating, rather than just a boyfriend. BUT it still hurt so much when I found out he was cheating.

My boyfriend and I had been dating for a long time. Things were very rocky in our relationship. We didn't feel the same way that we once had. I took a trip to NY for a couple weeks and when I came home things were worse than ever. He seemed so distant and I couldn't quite put my finger on the attitude change. 4 months later, we went out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I was too excited to realize he was getting ready to drop a bomb.

Over dinner, he admitted to cheating on me while I was in NY. I didn't know what to say or do. I wanted to scream and yell. I wanted to run out of the restaurant crying. I wanted to find the nearest hole, jump in it, fill the hole, and stay there until I was an old woman so I never had to date again. :)

The part I remember the most about that day, was after I was home. I sat in front of my full length mirror and picked myself apart. I thought I must not be pretty enough or good enough to make him happy. I blamed myself.

The reason I decided to blog about this is because my ex just married the girl (he cheated on me with) on the May 22nd. Needless to say, this subject has been fresh on my mind. I began reading up on cheating and I found this blog, lyingandcheating.blogspot.com. I found a post written in 2007 that explains cheating perfectly. Here is the portion below:

"My typology is based on the idea that there are three fairly separate emotional systems underlying our romantic relationships: There is sexual desire, love, and attachment. Different types of cheating can occur based on different combinations of these basic emotional components.To begin with, let me describe the differences between sexual desire, love, and attachment and then I’ll use these components to create my typology of cheating.

An excerpt taken from TruthAboutDeception.com:
Sexual Desire
The first emotional system is sexual desire. Sexual desire involves the lustful, sexually passionate feelings people have for each other. Sexual desire is a very intense and powerful emotion; it can cloud one’s judgmental and prompt risk-taking. Sexual desire is often based on physical appearance, novelty and the chemistry between two people. And while sexual desire motives a lot of our behaviors early on in a relationship, intense levels of sexual desire are difficult to maintain with the same person over the course of time (see, section on the Coolidge Effect).
Love
The second emotional system entails love. And love, in and of itself, is composed of a complex set of feelings. Love often entails feelings of closeness, genuine appreciation, and concern. But, the experience of love is not the same for everyone. For some people love is delusional and needy, or based on emotional game playing, or experienced as the desire to take care of another person (see, Styles of Love).
Attachment
The last emotional system involves attachment. Attachment is the feeling of security and comfort we get from being close to someone else. Attachment provides a sense of stability, certainty, and safety – the feeling that someone will always be there for you in a time of need. And like with love, there are individual differences in the experience of attachment (see, Attachment Styles).
In a perfect world, perhaps sexual desire, love and attachment would all be directed towards one’s romantic partner and no one else. But, this is not the case. These three emotional components are often not directed toward the same person, especially over the course of time. And to make things more complicated, some of these components, like sexual desire and love, can be directed at more than one person at a time.Based on these three emotional systems, different types of cheating are possible:

Types of Cheating

Opportunistic Sexual Cheating
This type of cheating occurs when a partner is in love and attached to a spouse, but succumbs to their sexual desire for someone else. Typically, this type of cheating is driven by situational circumstances – opportunity (e.g., travel), risk-taking (thrill of excitement), and alcohol or drug use. The typical one night stand. And the more in love a person is with their spouse, the more guilt he or she will experience as a result of their sexual encounter. But feelings of guilt tend to fade as the fear of getting caught subsides.

Obligatory Sexual Cheating
This type of cheating is based on fear. Fear that resisting someone's sexual advances will result in immediate disapproval or rejection. Essentially, people may have feelings of sexual desire, love and attachment for a spouse, but still end up cheating simply because they have a strong need for approval. And their need for approval, at that moment, can cause them to act in ways which are inconsistent with their other feelings. Simply put, some people cheat, not because they want to cheat, but because in the situation, it can be too difficult to say "no." However, people who cheat in order appease others often experience tremendous guilt and shame. Ironically, their desire for approval, in the immediate situation, causes people to act in ways which ultimately disappoint someone else - their spouse. This category of cheating was provided by a viewer.

Romantic Cheating
This type of cheating occurs when one is attached to a spouse, but experiences sexual desire and love for someone else. The traditional emotional and sexual affair. In such situations, people often make promises to leave a spouse to be with their lover, but fail to do so. Their attachment to their spouse prevents them from leaving. Often these situations end in misery. Lovers feel betrayed and cheating spouses end up staying in a loveless marriage. A classic example of Romantic Cheating can be found here.

Conflicted Romantic Cheating
This type of cheating occurs when people experience genuine love and sexual desire for more than one person at a time. Despite our idealistic notions of having only one true love, it is possible to experience intense romantic love for multiple people simultaneously (see, Polyamory). While such situations are emotional possible, pragmatically, they are very complicated and tend to create a lot of anxiety and stress. In this case, cheating spouses, in their attempt not to cause anyone harm, tend to end up hurting everyone.

Commemorative Cheating
This type of cheating occurs when people are in a committed relationship, but have no feelings for that person. There is no sexual desire, or love or attachment – only a sense of commitment keeps a couple together. When people cheat in this type of situation, the overriding concern seems to be for keeping appearances… emotionally there is no angst or guilt, just concern for what other people might think.It is important to understand how sexual desire, romantic love, and attachment can produce different outcomes when trying to recover from an affair."
After reading this, I realized I was lucky enough to experience Commemorative Cheating. The only thing our relationship had was commitment. There was no love or respect, just simply a title.

Regardless of the feelings I had for him, it still hurt when he cheated. Cheating on someone is not okay, even if your relationship is rocky.

Fact: 50% of marriages end in divorce. (Well NO WONDER, 30-60% of married individuals CHEAT.)

Thanks to http://lyingandcheating.blogspot.com/ and http://truthaboutdeception.com/ for all the great insight on infidelity.
xoxo

P.S. All the above pictures are a result of cheating. :) Also, I bet you're dying for an update on The R Chronicles! I have video of our night on Thurs that you will all enjoy. I should have it up by this Thursday. (Hopefully.) Blogger takes forever to upload videos so it will take me awhile. Happy Dating!

Attraction: Key Factors

2009-05-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

I spent the majority of my saturday organizing my closet. I stood on my tip toes to grab some dusty books. Like Sir Isaac Newton, an object from above knocked me on the skull. After I nursed my head wound and uttered some cuss words, I picked up the infamous object. It was an old psychology book. I blew the dust off and cracked that baby open.
I found a chapter on attraction that was very interesting. About 60 pages were on attraction so I'll have to post about this more than once. :) I'm going to touch on the key factors of attraction.

The book is titled, 'Psychology' by Wayne Weiten. I used this book in my first semester in college and I don't actually remember reading it. So this all seems very new to me and it was fun looking through the book. Obviously, the first key factor is physical attractiveness. You think the person is smokin' hot. Got it? First lesson learned. The second key factor is similarity. Supposedly, "birds of a feather do flock together". Easy right? Second lesson learned. Now to the stuff you may not know:

(Yes this a rock and ruler. The rock may be mistaken for something else. ha ha)

Reciprocity
rec·i·proc·i·ty (n): liking those who show that they like you.

This is the third factor in attraction. "Research shows that we like those who show they like us and that we tend to see others as liking us more if we like them." Basically what they're saying LIKE=LIKE.

I don't completely agree with the book here. (Sorry Wayne Weiten) I think some relationships are fueled by The Chase. Many people like to chase their date and treat dating like a game. It adds gas to the fire when the person doesn't like them. This may just be an exception to the rule. Now the fourth and final factor is called romantic ideals. Everyone has a set of romantic ideals that they expect their partner to measure up to. Essentially, it's a list of qualities you have to have in a date. Honestly, loyalty, good looks, a sense of humor, and so on.
Here is a cool fact I found in the book: "In a study of 180 couples, Murray, Holmes, and Griffin (1996) found that most participants viewed their partners more favorably than the partners viewed themselves." So, your date or boy/girlfriend thinks you are much better looking than you see yourself. Remember that when date night comes and you have a huge volcano zit on your face.
So here is my question to you, what is your #1 romantic ideal? My #1 romantic ideal is a great sense of humor. Personally, it comes before looks for me. I love to laugh, so a sense of humor is absolutely necessary.

xoxo

Quick Post: Bad News

2009-05-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Look what I got in my email. I am so disappointed. Well, it gives everyone more time to sign up! ;) I've already paid so I have to wait until June 3rd. Sorry to let you down. There will be a regular post tomorrow.

Hi Laura,

After reviewing the attendance numbers for tonight's scheduled Speed Dating event for ages 21-29, it appears that we will have to postpone tonight's event and re-schedule it for Wed, June 3rd at a different venue. I really do not like to postpone events, but the numbers were extrordinarily low. It will give me 1 more week to boost those numbers. We are still having our other event for 34-44 year olds at Club Habits tonight. So if you'd like to drop in to see how the whole thing works, please feel free to, and stop to say HOWDY to my staff and I. I hope this works well for you, and again, I apologize for the inconvenience of change.

Pam

679-1662

saltlake@predating.com

Quick Post: I signed up!

2009-05-19T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!! I officially signed up for speed dating tomorrow night. I'm am so excited to see what it will be like. I will have exactly 10 minutes to "date" each random guy. I promise I will give a detailed account of each guy and my experience on Thurs.

I have no idea what to expect because I have never done this before. Hopefully I don't run into creeps that will end up stalking me. Shiver. Wish me luck!

----->www.pre-dating.com/speeddating/SLC.php <-----

Shout Out #7

2009-05-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

Mic check.. mic check. Is this thing on? Hey everyone! My microphone is still on the blitz. I thought I had it working but alas, it is still a piece of crap. Maybe it's not the mic, maybe it's me? ;)

I tend to stick to the Tues and Thurs posts, but I have so many things that need voting on for 'The R Chronicles'. My goal is to go with Reagan to Area 51 this thursday so at the end of this shout out there will be a vote. There will probably be a vote Thursday as well. So vote quickly! I'll need to tally the votes so Reag will know what to do!

Now to Shout Outs! It's been much too long since I've done this.

Chauncey said...
Dear Laura, OMG, LOL, TTYL, NBC, PMS, BYOB, and any other acronym that can express my delight to opening up a new blog from you! So true, about not remembering the bad. Recently I was abroad doing some sort of service in far away islands, while away I could only remember the good about being home, now that I am home, I can only remember what was good about the islands! Anyways, as always, GREAT BLOG!

Chauncey you are such a character. Your comments always crack me up. I think the problem is we always want the things we can't have. We want our exes because we can't have them. When we do have them, we realize how horrible they are. Islands huh? Which islands did you do service on?

abby24 said...
I have done the exact same thing as your friend did. We broke up 3 different times! What was I thinking? I missed him. i realized that i didn't want to be alone and i couldnt live without him. that really gets my thinking... maybe i will give him a call! JK

So you broke up 3 different times? 3rd times the charm I guess! ha ha

Rachelle said...
Oh no! That doesn't sound fun at all! Have you been out with that guy since?

Yeah I have. We went to a Salt Lake Bees game and a Real Salt Lake game this week. I love going to games! Both times, we had some annoying fan sitting next to us yelling in everyone's ears. Oh wait that was me. :)

Heidi said...
Ok I will openly admit that I am a player! I am still young, I figure that when it comes time to find a guy I will be more serious about it. Is that bad to say? I really should take your advice on this one!

Your new theme song is 'Maneater by Nelly Furtado' as mandated by me. jk! Hey at least you admit you're a player! Do you have trouble balancing dates?

megs2031 said...
I hate awkward situations like that. Dating is kind of being a player, someone will always get hurt but you have to be more worried about yourself and being happy! Also I saw the question on speed dating. I have seen speed dating and it looks so fun! Do you know how to find out where it is or who does it? I have always wanted to know!

http://www.pre-dating.com/speeddating/SLC.php <---- Best Website for those in SLC

http://8minutedating.com/ <---- Great website for readers out of state. It directs you to speed dating events.

matt23 said...
That sucks! I am really sorry to hear that! You do deserve a really nice guy! ;)

Amber said...
Oh Laura! I am so sorry! What a jerk!!! You deserve way better than that anyway, you are an amazing person! :)

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I wasn't trying to throw a pity party for myself. I just wanted to warn about the jerks out there but also remind you not to lose hope! There are wonderful people in the dating world.

Thanks to Chauncey, Abby24, Rachelle, Heidi, Megs2031, Matt23 and Amber!

** Update: I will be attending speed dating at Club Habits on Wednesday at 7:00 pm. Check it out if you are feeling adventurous!! Club Habits- 832 East 3900 South, Murray

The R Chronicles Vote:

How should Reagan approach a girl?

Casual Chit Chat. "So do you come dancing often.. etc." Work his way up to asking her out.
Pick up line. (This will lead to a vote tomorrow on which pick up line should be used.)
Dance wildly around her.
Be straightforward. "Hey, I think you're really cute. Would you like to go out sometime?"

xoxo